Tuesday, October 15, 2013


Some time ago I was told that the devil attacks you the most when you're doing what God wants you to be doing. In some ways that is one of the most frightening things I have ever heard but in more ways than not it is actually one of the most comforting. To know that my actions are leading me down the path God wants me to take so closely that the enemy is throwing things in my way to try and get me to stumble? Okay. Makes sense. As Christians we are told we will suffer for our devotion to Christ. And considering what Paul went through, just to name one devoted follower, what I'm facing in absolutely nothing. But to me, right now, it feels like absolutely everything.

I've been talking about Texas for a few months now, how I'm moving there for who knows why, but that I'm definitely going. When I made that decision and went down to Texas on vacation at the end of August I left a bag with Jess and Adam as "collateral", proof that I was really coming back. In it was packed more than half of my pony collection. Srs Bnz, y'all. One of Adam's comments upon hearing I was leaving a bag was, "Is she leaving money so we can ship it back to her?" Basically when I chickened out and changed my mind. And that comment hurt a lot more than I knew he intended. Adam would never intentionally say anything to upset me because he is one of my best friends. But I've been living under this self-given title of "Girl who says she's going to do something but really does nothing" for so long that it came as a slap in the face.

So I came home with great determination to get all my crap together and get down to Arlington. It was getting down to my deadline for moving (the 5th of October) and I already decided if I didn't find a car by then I would pack what I could into two suitcases, store what I couldn't take, find a car in Texas, then drive up and get the rest of my belongings close to Christmas. Then, literally days before I was preparing to buy a plane ticket I found a car. My trusted mechanic with 25+ years went with Heather and I to look at it, and even though it wouldn't turn over, Matt was sure he knew what the problem was and that it would be a cheap, quick fix.

Fast forward two weeks and almost $1,500 later, the car is still not fixed. He thought it was the fuel pump but that turned out to be fine. Then he noticed the spark plugs were all worn down so all the spark plugs were replaced. Still nothing. Some online research revealed this particular car sometimes has issues with a crank sensor. So the crank sensor was found and it definitely needed to be replaced, which it was. Still nothing. So Matt rolled up his sleeves and tore my engine apart to find the head gasket blown. Not only that but I also needed an intake manifold gasket, an exhaust manifold gasket, as well as two new cam seals, the last thing I have even yet to get. And then, after spending $80 to have the cylinder head magnafluxed and planed, it turns out the head is cracked. In three different places.

I still also need four new tires and have to inspect and register it. Oh, and last night I found out my cat had blood in her stool. So.... that's awesome. My default setting for the past week has been on the verge of breaking down. As of last night my default setting is now something like this:

At this point I am having to spend more money than I have coming in, all while Heather has basically let me stay here rent free this entire month. Needless to say, I am feeling overwhelmed. I have so many people making suggestions, telling me what they would do, offering suggestions that I don't even know whose voice belongs to who.
Was it really God who told me to go to Texas, or was it my own desire to go and start over somewhere? Was it Jessica's voice? Was I supposed to fly down and not get a car up here? Am I still supposed to go to Texas or was this just a step in God pushing me out on my own? I don't even know the answer to any of these questions right now.
People wanted an update so there you have it. I have no answers and don't know when I will. I...yeah. That's all I got.


Diana Does Stuff Copyright © 2012 Design by Ipietoon Blogger Template