tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67757838454158364862024-03-14T01:52:22.898-07:00Diana Does StuffA little bit of this,
a little bit of that.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-68011628950154143722017-10-24T08:10:00.000-07:002017-10-24T08:12:16.231-07:00Invisible AssassinsYou can't see them, but you know they're there. They make sure of that. Sometimes they begin their work in small, subtle ways. Sometimes they come roaring in like a hungry bear just waking from a long hibernation. They take pleasure in the kill no matter their tactic as they destroy your motivation, your focus, your ability to comprehend and maintain some semblance of normalcy. As the minutes tick by and your energy drains, they take pleasure in knowing each time you fake a smile or a laugh, all you really want to do is curl up in bed and cry or sleep for a hundred years. They attack men and women alike, older and younger as the days go by, and because they are invisible, they are often dismissed by those that do not fight them off themselves. The medical professionals lump them all into one category called "chronic pain," but for those of us who battle them every single day, they are invisible assassins.<br />
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Mine began plaguing me several years ago in the form of an inflammatory disease called Costochondritis. This is when the cartilage between the ribs becomes irritated and so inflamed that even the smallest amount of pressure can feel like a jolt of electricity is being sent through my body. Even wearing a bra can be intolerable on days when it's bad. One time, my dad poked me in the ribs because he didn't know I was having <b>a day</b> and whatever happened on my face and to my body must have scared the living daylights out of him because he just froze as his eyes bugged out. I turned white as a sheet and my eyes filled with tears, and my mother hastily explained why what he had just done was the wrong thing to do. It comes and goes. I'm happy to say it is an infrequent occurrence these days, but when it does come around, it definitely camps out for a few days and likes to be as strong a presence as possible.<br />
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Lately, I've been dealing with some unexplained nerve pain. A neurologist I went to a while back said it was Fibromyalgia. I knew it wasn't. My new Neuro knew it wasn't. It's idiopathic, meaning no one can figure out the source or cause, which 40% of chronic nerve pain is. I don't know if she told me that in the hope of making me feel better about it, but it didn't. Didn't make me feel worse, but it definitely didn't make me feel better. All I know is that I have certain spots on both arms, hands, my back, and my left leg that are sensitive to the touch. When I say sensitive, I mean to the point that even washing my hands brought me to tears because the simple feeling of a gentle stream of water on them made my bones feel like they were shattering. Still does at times. So I stand in the bathroom and cry until it's out of my system, collect myself, and go back out to rejoin life. I don't do it to be deceitful, I do it because, frankly, I don't want to dwell on it, I don't want to complain, and no one can fix it for me anyway, so why bring it up?<br />
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As of this morning, I'm on day four of waking up with deep nerve pain in my left tricep. It literally feels like fingers are reaching into my arm and trying to pull the muscle from the bone. I'm exhausted. I'm sad. I'm...so sad. There are things I want to do with my life, and for some reason, God is letting me go through this right now, leading me down this path that seems so contrary to the path I want to be going down. I don't quite get it. But that's not the reason why I wanted to write this post.<br />
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We talk to dozens of people throughout our days, our weeks. Be aware of people. Be kind to people. I <i>promise </i>you that those in your life who make you smile the most, who go out of their way to be helpful or kind are often the ones who are hurting the most, and they're the ones who are the best at hiding it. That's just how it seems to work out. Just...love one another and have patience. We're all so busy rushing around and it's only going to get worse as the holidays approach.<br />
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Don't judge people based on what you think you know.<br />
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Breathe.<br />
Relax.<br />
Love.<br />
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As we like to say at CenterPoint, go be a blessing. You don't know who needs it today.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-57174075584779424502017-10-23T18:58:00.002-07:002017-10-23T19:04:49.277-07:00Book Review : Gridiron Conspiracy by Christopher PanicciaDear Readers,<br />
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This is a blog entry I never wanted to write. This is a <i>review</i> I never wanted to write. The time has come, however, to get the dreaded "Did Not Finish" review out of the way. So let's buckle in and do this. Today I am reviewing <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26016245-gridiron-conspiracy">Gridiron Conspiracy</a> by Christopher Paniccia, and I am about to test my own ability to stick to my "100% honesty" in my book reviews.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CGh1vcDj-ik/We6eUMCmCII/AAAAAAAABrU/zd_pngo0pSgH0QE7SPJLWfmrYs2_z763wCLcBGAs/s1600/41knWmGuQOL._SY344_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="346" data-original-width="231" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CGh1vcDj-ik/We6eUMCmCII/AAAAAAAABrU/zd_pngo0pSgH0QE7SPJLWfmrYs2_z763wCLcBGAs/s320/41knWmGuQOL._SY344_BO1%252C204%252C203%252C200_.jpg" width="213" /></a>I had high hopes for this book. I met Christopher at the New England Author Expo this summer in Massachusetts and had the pleasure of hearing him speak on a panel for first-time publishers. Most of the points that were brought up were things I already knew, but Christopher and his fellow panelists were fantastic speakers and did have a few suggestions and tips I hadn't thought of myself. Afterward, when I was wandering around, I had the opportunity to speak with him. I purchased some of his amazing artwork, and we agreed to a swap of the first books in our series.<br />
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The first book in Christopher's series follows a protagonist by the same name, a young man entering into the world of professional football. Not too far into the book, we learn that Chirs is unknowingly part of a secret government program that is cloning players and it goes much deeper than just professional football. Really, it's a fascinating premise, but the whole thing is poorly executed. When my male best friend asked me what the book was about, as soon as the word "football" passed my lips, he said, "Well, of course you don't like it if it's a sports book!" For the record, I love football. Also for the record, whether I love football or not, a well-written story should engage the reader regardless. The book opens up with two chapters of exposition and history of the character and the game, with the narration having little more than a monotone voice. At times it felt like I was reading a report or an essay rather than a work of fiction. We writers tend to fall into this trap of wanting to show off all this knowledge we have on particular subjects that we cross the line of being informative into being preachy encyclopedias <i>telling </i>the reader way more than they ever want or even need to know. This book crossed that line way too many times.<br />
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When we finally get to meet some characters and see some interactions, they leave much to be desired. Interactions feel forced, dialogue is wooden and awkward, (no one uses contractions. Like...what? O_o) head hopping occurs so frequently that you don't know whose perspective you're reading from at any given moment, especially since this book is written in block format where the cardinal rule of starting a new paragraph each time a new character speaks is broken <b>on the regular</b>. And don't even get me started on the switching tenses and the grammar!<br />
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This book got me shook, y'all.<br />
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I really wanted to like this one. The cover is awesome. It's minimalistic and different and really catches your eye. I really liked Chirs, and I really wanted to like his book. Unfortunately, this one is definitely not for me. I had to walk away after a hundred pages, and that was really forcing myself to get that far. In the interest of my sanity, it's time for me to move on.<br />
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Up next: The Rare Pearl by Jennifer W. Smith. Spoiler Alert! I've already started reading this one and this author has restored my faith in independently published authors. Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-55505098528389674432017-09-18T08:53:00.000-07:002017-09-18T08:55:50.328-07:00Book Review: A Tale of Mist and Shadow by M. R. LaverHello, fellow readers! Here I am with my second book review. Today, it is M. R. Laver's <i>A Tale of Mist and Shadow</i>, the first book in his series by the same name. It is classified under Science Fiction and Fantasy, but I would definitely call it pure Fantasy. The book itself is 450 pages long and can be purchased both in e-book format and as a paperback through Amazon.<br />
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I started reading this book shortly after I "met" Laver online through a mutual friend of ours. When I found out he was a fellow author, I knew I wanted to read his first book and throw some support his way. We independently published authors need to stick together, after all. Knowing he was a Fantasy author and a fellow Christian, I figured that chances were pretty high that his work would be right up my alley. So I downloaded the book and got to reading. In truth, it took me far longer to get through this book than it should have, and that was my own fault. I had to stop reading for awhile to get a different book in, and that may have made some details revealed earlier in the book a little fuzzy.<br />
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The story starts off by throwing the reader into a bit of a battle and some conflict between those in charge (and those who think they're in charge) of a small town, and it really doesn't slow down much from there. Laver's strength is definitely writing battle scenes. Actions are precise and easily pictured, explaining what is happening and with what kinds of instruments and types of people involved without talking down to the reader. These scenes were easily my favorite. I will say that there were one or two battle scenes that felt drawn out for longer than they should have been, but even then, these were the scenes where the storytelling really shone.<br />
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As a whole, the book is not without its flaws. There are multiple grammatical issues, inconsistencies, and some characters that you just don't like. Even the worst villains have some sort of quality that makes you want to read more about them. Unfortunately, that is not the case with the demi-villain in this book. She has no redeeming qualities about her and I honestly sighed every time she was involved in a scene because I knew there would be some sort of subtle (often far from subtle) allusion to sex.<br />
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The plot doesn't feel fleshed out enough, which says something for a book that is 450 pages long. There is so much thrown into the novel that not enough time is spent on a single element to get the reader truly invested in it. I was always taught that a good novel in a series takes two or three <b>big ideas</b> and focuses on them while weaving the smaller elements around them, saving other big ideas for later books in the series. It felt like Laver took all his big ideas and stuffed them into this first novel, which left me feel a bit chaotic. There were so many things to learn, characters to keep track of, myths to separate, that sometimes I felt overwhelmed, which made me not want not read as much. Not a good thing.<br />
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Dialogue between characters was 50/50. Sometimes it felt extremely organic and believable, others had them pausing in the middle of very serious situations to have a slapstick comedy moment full of laughter. Sometimes reactions were so out of the ordinary that it took me out of the story to wonder about it. There were also moments of swearing which took me completely off guard and just didn't sit well with me. It felt thrown in there to try to make the scene more intense or important, but it just made it awkward.<br />
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I did love some of the characters. Grace was definitely my favorite bar far. She felt the most real to me, and her story had a distinguishable arc to it that I thought was beautifully handled. There was even a side character or two that I wished we could have seen more of or learned more about, but again, this was an area where there was just so much that there was not enough time spend on any one character.<br />
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My overall rating for this title:<br />
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<span id="goog_1423005915">If you would like to check out this title for yourself, check out the <a href="https://smile.amazon.com/Tale-Mist-Shadow-1-ebook/dp/B00P2W1FDW/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1505745983&sr=8-1&keywords=a+tale+of+mist+and+shadow" target="_blank">Amazon</a></span><span id="goog_1423005915"> page. </span><br />
<span id="goog_1423005915">If reading isn't you thing, you can also find it on <a href="http://www.audible.com/search?x=0&y=0&ref_=a_cat_Sci-F_tseft__galileo&advsearchKeywords=A+Tale+of+Mist+and+Shadow" target="_blank">Audible</a>. </span><br />
<span id="goog_1423005915">M. R. Laver can also be found on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ATaleofMistandShadow/" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ATaleofMistandShadow/" target="_blank">Twitter</a>.</span><br />
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<span id="goog_1423005915">If you are an author and have a book you would like me to review, leave a comment down below and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. The wait list is rather long at the moment, but I am still taking new titles. </span><br />
Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-46669622333071719032017-09-11T13:52:00.001-07:002017-09-11T13:52:08.918-07:00Practicing the Pause
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My father has never been a very patient man. If you asked him, he'd be the first to admit it. He hates sitting in traffic, complains loudly over the commercials that come before theatrical trailers, and mumbles, mutters, and curses under his breath when something isn't finished when he believes it should be. Out of all the traits I have inherited from my dad, I am thankful this was not one of them. The thing is, he's not alone in his impatience. While I may be more of a “go with the flow” type of person, there are many people who are the complete opposite.</div>
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This morning, I decided to walk down to my local craft store. Unless it's a holiday or there is a major sale going on, it's unusual for more than a couple of people to be in line, especially on a Monday morning. For some reason, today the store was packed. Even with multiple registers open, the line was quite long. When I was ready to check out, there were five people in front of me with more people quickly falling into line behind me. One of them was an elderly gentleman. He heaved a great big sigh behind me when he saw how much of a wait there was. It was the first of many. His impatience was not hard to understand. I certainly hadn't expected the store to be so busy. As more and more sighs sounded behind me, I was torn between amusement and annoyance. We all needed to buy things. We were all stuck in the line if we were intent on purchasing the things we wanted. How was expressing irritation over and over helping? It did nothing but make me feel rushed and cause his wife to question whether or not she really needed the things she had in her cart.</div>
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A trip to Market Basket is always a lesson in patience, no matter the time of day. There are people everywhere. All the time. No matter what. I have learned to go in with the expectation that it's going to be chaotic, and rushing will only raise my already high anxiety level. (Little known fact about me: grocery shopping stresses me out, and by stresses me out, I mean I would rather sit naked on broken glass than grocery shop because it raises my anxiety level so much.) I had a list with me, as I always do, and was strolling through each aisle, grabbing what I needed, waiting when people were in my way to move before taking what I needed. As it seems to happen when I grocery shop, I kept going down the same aisle with the same people, one particular woman standing out. She was quite a bit larger than me, and tended to walk (and park) her cart right down the middle of the lane, making people either have to wait for her or shimmy around her if they could. We happened to be down the frozen veggies aisle together at the same time, both of us heading for the other end. An elderly couple entered the way we were looking to exit and stopped to discuss whether or not they wanted frozen tilapia. The woman with the cart stopped, waiting for the couple to move. They blocked the aisle as they talked for all of fifteen seconds at most, a much shorter time than her own record for blocking the way. Instead of politely asking if either of them would step aside, she let out a loud, obnoxious growl, whipped her cart around, nearly taking me out in the process, and stomped back down the aisle saying rather rude things about impolite people who don't take anyone else into consideration in a loud voice.</div>
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How many times do we do this? How often are we oblivious to the ways we hold other people up, yet feel impatient, angered, even outraged and abused when we feel like someone else is hindering our ability to accomplish or complete something? Why do we feel like we deserve to have every want and need met the second we realize it is there, but if we see a want and need in someone else, we react to fill them with much less speed and conviction than our own? I don't have any real answers for this, but it's something I intend to be more aware of. This “righteous indignation” that tends to take root when we are faced with obstacles that remove situations and outcomes from our control gets us nowhere. What of, instead of huffing away or sighing loud enough so that everyone knows you're unhappy, we took a breath? What if we paused?</div>
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Life moves so quickly and we've become so accustomed to getting what we want exactly when we want it. It's killed our ability to wait and made patience practically an antiquated ideal. We rush through everything, looking for the quickest way and in doing so, we sacrifice so much: experiences, memories, interactions. Sometimes our inability to take a second before reacting makes us say or do things we wouldn't normally, simply because we're giving knee-jerk reactions.</div>
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Practice the pause before you give that tell-tale sigh. Practice the pause before you speak. Practice the pause. Let it be the action that comes before your reaction. It isn't easy. I'm working on doing this myself, and I'll be the first to tell you that it doesn't feel natural. I can also tell you that it's incredibly freeing to not be bound by impatience and frustration.</div>
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I'm in the middle of a rather long pause myself, and it's certainly testing my patience. I've promised a new website and blog, and neither has been able to see the light of day yet. Unfortunately, this has not been a good year for book sales and I'm definitely feeling the pinch of it. Stay tuned. The website is still coming, the new blog with guest posts, reviews, and interviews is still coming.</div>
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In the meantime, in the breath before the exhale, I wait to see what's going to happen instead of jumping ahead, opening my mouth before I take a second to think and make things worse. I'm going to try to do that more often. Hopefully others will do the same.</div>
Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-741089655617954622017-07-28T10:22:00.000-07:002017-07-28T10:22:08.300-07:00New England Author ExpoHow's that for a dynamic, eye-catching title? *eye roll* Okay, so I have some things to work on when it comes to this blogging thing. No great shocker there, not to me at least. I'll get better at it. Or I won't. Stay tuned, I guess?<br />
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This past Wednesday, I was able to be a part of my very first author exposition. Let me tell you, it was nothing like what I was expecting. Part of that was because I had no idea what to expect, and part of it was because I set the few expectations I had way too high. I Loved. It. There were tons of other authors, there were panels, and with that came a great deal of networking. My favorite part, hands down, were the panels. If that was the extent of my day, I honestly would not have been mad. I was never the best student in school, but when it came to subjects I was interested in, dude...I was INVESTED. I felt like a little nerd, sitting in the second row with my pen and notebook, listening as though these people were giving me the secrets to all the things in the universe, and I could not have cared less.<br />
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Though some of my readers are authors themselves, most of you are not so I will not go into detail about everything I learned. Anyone who does want me to share what I learned, drop me a comment and let me know. Maybe I'll compile a special email for those of you who show interest.<br />
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It was amazing having my editor with me for the day. She's one of the few people who can take my neurosis, look me in the face, and tell me to chill out without me reacting poorly. That's a huge reason why she's the best editor for me, as well. I know most people hear that she is my best friend and automatically discredit the author/editor relationship between us, and with good reason, but I like to think we're different. She's brutally honest with me. She's flat out told me she doesn't like things. Heck, most of the time, she doesn't even like my main characters, but she's able to still work with them. It cracks me up now (but never in the moment) that the things I get most excited about in my writing are usually the things she absolutely does not like. She made me cry when she told me a huge chunk of <i>Dragon Song</i> had to be taken out or vastly rewritten. Yes, she's my best friend, but she is also a phenomenal editor. I could not be more grateful for her and the support and encouragement she provides. *cough* Anyone who is in need of an editor, let me know. She is now taking new clients.<br />
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During the course of our day, not only was I able to make connections with other authors and local publishing houses, but Jessica was also able to make some pretty amazing connections. One of the women we met during the day was a local television producer. I had no idea who she was when she came to my table and asked me about my Claymore dirk. I explained to her that I am ridiculously proud of my Scottish heritage and that it plays a big part of my series. She then asked me if I had any books that had come out this year, so I showed her <i>Dragon Song</i>, giving her a quick synopsis when it was asked for. She asked who Jess was and I explained she was my editor. Upon asking Jess how she got into editing my novels, Jess told her how she could only read so far into the first book before she had to stop because of all the problems she was finding. We told her about the books filled to the brim with red pen, and still, she was a little bit skeptical of the whole best friend/editor dynamic. It wasn't until I told her that Jessica made me cry that her attitude became rather open. She quickly snatched up one of Jessica's cards as well. She told us both that she is a local television producer, and that she's looking to fill slots on her show for next year. Though she made it clear that she couldn't promise us anything, she told us that she loved what Jess and I had and that she wanted me to send her my press package (Um...my what now?) and my book.<br />
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...so now I need to figure out what the heck a press package/media kit involves, and fast!<br />
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I didn't sell any books that day but I was able to trade with three other authors. I'm really excited to read their work, mostly because they are all so different from one another. They took my books as well, and hopefully, we'll all get some good reviews from one another out of the deal.<br />
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Up next: Black Swan Renaissance Faire in Tilton, NH, August 12-13. If you're cool, you'll be there. Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-13842077924061670942017-07-27T18:47:00.000-07:002017-07-28T09:07:17.386-07:00Book Review: Doorways and Debts by J.P. MichaelsHello, dear readers. Please give me a moment to blow the dust off of this thing. It's been sitting for nearly a year and needs a bit of a tidying up. I had plans to move my blog to my own website but things have happened...in some cases, they have NOT happened...and here we are. I can't promise to be better at this blogging thing, but I'm certainly going to make an effort.<br />
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As an independent author, I know how hard it is to get your name out there and to get recognition and reviews for your books. Because of this, I want to support as many other independent authors as I can. My goal is to read and review at least four books a year, starting in 2018, written by self-published and little-known authors. It may be a lofty goal, especially looking at my busy schedule, but it's something I feel is important enough to make time for. That being said, if you know of an independent author or are one yourself, send titles (or books!) my way. I'm starting a list to go through.<br />
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Before I begin I will say these thoughts and opinions are my own. They are not a representation of how anyone else I know who has read the book feels about it. My reviews may sound harsh at times, especially given that I know for 100% certainty that my own books are far from perfect. However, I feel it is important to be honest and to help each other along this rather arduous and isolating road of being an IA. None of my comments are meant to be malicious, neither are they meant to blow sunshine. They are meant to help grow, refine, and encourage. I can only hope others would do the same for me.<br />
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This first review is of a book called <i>Doorways and Debts</i> by J.P. Michaels. I was actually in the middle of another IA's book when I received this one, but chose to make this title a priority since I would be seeing the author again in a month. When I sold my book at the Mutton and Mead Medieval Festival in Turners Falls, Mass last month, I had the pleasure of meeting J.P. in person. We were able to have a great, albeit short, conversation in which we agreed to a book exchange. Because I was slow and stupid busy, it took me about six weeks to get through. Having finished it just last night, I wanted to get the review done while thoughts and feelings were still fresh on my mind.<br />
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<u><b>Format and Grammar</b></u> <br />
J.P. writes in a block format that is sometimes hard to follow. Instead of starting new paragraphs each time a new character speaks, there could sometimes be up to three different characters speaking in the same paragraph. Many times, I had to go back and read things over to be sure of who was speaking and when. Another thing that made me pause at times were the paragraphs that were little else but definitive statements. He did this. He did that. She came from here. She went there. Sometimes it was just a laundry list of what the character was doing, and that made reading certain sections a little tedious. He also tended to get caught up in describing characters to minute details, even sometimes, characters who were only used very briefly. It may be a personal preference, but I like basic descriptions of characters that leave room for personalization through imagination as I read. It matters little to me the exact height or weight of a character. Short, tall, average is really all I need to know. Several times I was taken off guard by incorrect words, such as "wonder" instead of "wander," and little things like that. However, I've had a few similar instances in my own books, so I can't really be too picky about that.<br />
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--4UwwZM4KBI/WXX1RH0CdRI/AAAAAAAAAm8/xqocnWe48ccQFqPbf0_1oju0wNvsbWqsQCLcBGAs/s1600/51JIzVCn8oL._SY346_.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="346" data-original-width="256" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/--4UwwZM4KBI/WXX1RH0CdRI/AAAAAAAAAm8/xqocnWe48ccQFqPbf0_1oju0wNvsbWqsQCLcBGAs/s320/51JIzVCn8oL._SY346_.jpg" width="236" /></a><u><b>Setting</b></u><br />
I want to know more about this world than I was given. To be fair, this is a side story to J.P.'s main series entitled <i>The Legacy of Jiraiya</i>, but it left me feeling like I was jipped on this fantasy world he created. There are clear indications that this place is not like our world. There are lions that walk on their hind legs, orcs, dwarves, elves, even creatures that look like talking rocks. There are allusions and brief mentions of a war, but other than that, this great big fantasy world is very limited. I was disappointed that we didn't get to explore things a little more. For most of the book, we are inside an inn and its different levels that have a bar, a restaurant, and a spa. Different, certainly, but not expansive.<br />
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<u><b>Plot</b></u><br />
This is where my review may come across as harsh, but as I said, I'm going for 100% honesty in hopes of helping people grow in their craft. The plot of this book was very thin and not very engaging. The first few chapters where we are getting to know the main characters and find out about this magical doorway that leads to another world got me so excited about what was to come...only to find out that the rest of the book follows only two of the five characters we're initially introduced to as they do odd jobs to pay off this mysterious debt that is keeping them all from returning home. That's it. There is very little conflict, and when there is, it is addressed and solved rather quickly and tidily. There was no villain, no antagonist at all, really, and that was disappointing.<br />
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<u><b>Characters</b></u><br />
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yUANRPd3B2M/WXX3-LyVp3I/AAAAAAAAAnQ/YgxrH1ZzLSAWS9M57vLEcjof21aPOmNeACLcBGAs/s1600/tumblr_nk5eczq63u1rdcz8qo5_r1_250.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="171" data-original-width="245" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yUANRPd3B2M/WXX3-LyVp3I/AAAAAAAAAnQ/YgxrH1ZzLSAWS9M57vLEcjof21aPOmNeACLcBGAs/s1600/tumblr_nk5eczq63u1rdcz8qo5_r1_250.gif" /></a>I love these characters. J.P.'s strongest feature in this book is definitely his ability to create endearing characters. Though the book mainly focuses on two young teenage boys, Andy and Roger, we also get to meet Ed, Tom, and Jack. They are all distinctly different from one another in personality, though not always in voice. For as young as they are, they have a bit of a <i>Dawson's Creek</i> syndrome to them in that they speak a lot older than they are. That doesn't do much to tarnish who they are, however. I got a clear <i>Goonies</i> vibe from the group right from the beginning. I loved the relationship between Andy and Jack especially. There is always one kid in every group of friends who ends up the butt of the joke, even if it's not meant to be mean, and I loved seeing the "leader" of this pack come to the rescue and stand up for his friend even against his other friends.<br />
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Mister Gravoa was a fun character to meet. His pattern of speech instantly made me think of Gru from <i>Despicable Me</i> which, whether intended or not, made me love him all the more. As a mentor, he watches over all five boys from afar while still managing to be involved. No easy task when it comes to teenagers.<br />
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The three girls we are introduced to-Laurel, Nicole, and Marie-are all very different from one another and just as endearing as the boys in their own individual ways. I could see bits of myself in each of them, just as I'm sure boys/men would see bits of themselves in each of the boys. There was a brief scene at the end of the book between Laurel and Mister Gravoa that actually made me quite sad. It was beautifully addressed and I'm sure it was the reaction J.P. was going for.<br />
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<u><b>Final Thoughts</b></u><br />
This is a good book for pre-teen/young teens if they need a casual read. There are a few swears within, so if that is something you're worried about, be aware. I always encourage parents to read the books their children want to read first, simply because you just never know what can be hidden within the pages nestled between a pretty cover and a back-of-the-book summary.<br />
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<u><b>Links</b></u><br />
<a href="http://legacyofjiraiya.weebly.com/book1---the-legacy-of-jiraiya-and-the-woods-of-winterton.html">The Legacy of Jiraiya Website</a><br />
<a href="http://legacyofjiraiya.weebly.com/book1---the-legacy-of-jiraiya-and-the-woods-of-winterton.html">Read the Prologue</a><br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Legacy-Jiraiya-Woods-Winterton-ebook/dp/B007VOMVV4">Amazon Page</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/legacyofjiraiya/">Facebook Page</a>Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-10677823461566862622016-10-31T16:26:00.000-07:002016-10-31T16:26:39.097-07:00The Cute Girl at the GymHow many of us feel, on a normal day, that we look good? How many of us feel like we'll pass but get no high marks? How many of us think we look like we rolled out of bed at 2 a.m. with one eye sealed shut by sleepy goo and the other one wide open with the pupil dilated for no good reason all day? If you're like most women, you fall in the middle. You feel okay in what you're wearing. Your hair is fine. Your make up, if you chose to wear make up at all, doesn't look like it was done by a three-year-old so, yay! Overall win for you! What about when you go to the gym? Yeah...totally different story.<br />
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Every time I go, I look at myself in those huge stupid mirrors on the other side of the room and hear this little voice in my head that says I don't belong there. Because, you know, the gym is for skinny beautiful people who really just go because they're narcissistic and like to watch their muscles flex in those evil mirrors and make kissy faces at their own reflections. Before you tell me I'm wrong, I'll beat you to it by saying I know that is not the case. Always.<br />
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I went to the gym tonight for the first time since getting my heart monitor on three weeks ago, and boy did my body feel it. I was sweating, my round, bean shaped face was red, I was panting like Tom Hiddleston had just come in the room, I had a bandana on my head to cover my sweat-drenched hair that makes me look even more balding than I really am. I mean...messy, gross, and not feeling all too great about myself. But I was there. I kept telling myself that. I was there, and that mattered.<br />
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And then I saw <i>her</i>.<br />
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Here I am, this four-foot-eleven-inch tomato doubled over on a glutes machine as I try to push and extend, the wheezing coming out of my mouth reminiscent of a chain smoker on her death bed, and this petite little blonde girl walks over near my station. She's got the classic all black ensemble of skin tight yoga pants and black sports tank. Her hair (which was totally dyed, I'm sure) was curled in that way some women can do, making it look effortless and natural even though it would take me at least five hours to get it done right and then it would fall pin straight five minutes later. Her make up was done beautifully and she had ruby red lips that glittered when the unnaturally bright lights above her caught the top coat of gloss she'd applied at one point.<br />
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<i>I hate you, </i>was the first thought that ran through my mind, subsequently and immediately followed by, <i>I hate myself. </i>For once, I was able to get my thoughts out of that dark place fairly quickly and direct them to a more healthy place: back on the girl. What? It was healthier for me at the moment. I scowled at her with my inner Gremlin, thinking, <i>Really? You have to come here looking like that when the rest of us feel like gross piles of slime?</i> I actually stewed in my irritation for the rest of the thirty minute circuit I was on, watching every male head turn in her direction when she passed them, blissfully unaware. It wasn't until I was driving home that grace tried to edge its way into my heart.<br />
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Once upon a time, I had a friend who could not do anything menial without looking cute. I mean, cute outfit, cute hair, full on makeup. She literally could not leave her apartment if these things were not in place, and it was because she had so little confidence in herself. I was one of the lucky few to see her without all her trappings (pun fully intended) and got to see how vulnerable, uncertain, and uncomfortable she was in her own skin. When she was all done up, even to go do laundry, she was a totally different person. She was sure of herself, funny, easy-going. Remembering this friend made me wonder if this cute Barbie-esque girl at the gym was like that. My friend was, and still is, gorgeous. This girl was gorgeous. But I don't know her struggles. Maybe she does have issues with confidence, maybe she doesn't. Either way, I had no right to assume the things I did about her, and I should not have compared myself to her. I shouldn't compare myself to anyone, because no one else is me, and no one else is walking my path.<br />
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As annoyed as I was by her presence, I'm actually really glad I saw her today. Not only will she be something of an inspiration for me to keep going to the gym and working hard, but she served as a much needed reminder that what we see on the outside is not always what is going on in the inside. I think that's a reminder we could all use from time to time.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-81025915043208378822016-09-13T12:16:00.000-07:002016-09-13T12:16:52.548-07:00An Explanation For My AngstBefore I begin this painfully raw blog entry, I feel like I need to throw out a disclaimer. Nothing I say here is directed at anyone in particular. My heartache is my own and is not caused by anyone. If you read this and think, "I wonder if she's talking about me," I'm not. In fact, if you read this and think that, then I didn't write this entry very well because I don't want anyone to take anything here personally. That being said, I think it's time I explained my angst from the past few days...<br />
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Some years ago, a very wise woman taught me an important lesson that I will never, ever forget. She told me that Satan really amps up his personal attack game when God is doing or is about to do something incredible in your - my - life. That singular thought has been my saving grace throughout the years. If it felt like everything was going wrong, it was because God was on the move. That was exciting, even in the middle of the turmoil. Well, sometime over the past five or six days, I lost that. I was hit with one thing after another that hurt, that depressed me, that beat me down enough for me to lose that. There were times this week that I cried out to God in anger and desperation. Never once did I remember that hope I had always clung to, the promise of things to come, until today.<br />
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I've always been told I was the type of person people feel comfortable just word vomiting to. Though I still scratch my head about that, I don't mind it. In fact, I love that people trust me and feel comfortable enough to do that. I'm a good secret keeper, I guess, and I don't often interject with my own stuff. I think that's why I often forget that I need people I can do that with myself. Today I got the opportunity to just get it all out, and get some better perspective.<br />
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For anyone that's known me for very long, knowing I have a congenital heart defect is no surprise. For those that don't know, I have a murmur, a leaky valve, weird palpitations, and a pulmonary aneurysm. Lately, my heart has been doing this weird thing where it will beat perfectly fine, then it feels like a car engine trying to turn over with no success. That's the best way I can explain it. It's not racing, it's not slow, it's just beating <b>hard</b>. And then it skips beats. It's uncomfortable, and it's pretty darn frightening at times. I went to the ER for it at the end of July...and it led to this whole sequence of events that, quite frankly, just makes me angry. Long story short, I can't see my cardiologist until October. It's been suggested to me by a few people that I look for anew doctor but I've decided to wait until after this appointment to see how it goes. It took me three tries to get an appointment with him because of one person in the office telling me twice that she would set things up and call me back, and never did. By the time the appointment was set up - three weeks later - I was feeling frustrated, forgotten, and not very important.<br />
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Another thing I have never hidden from anyone is my desperate want to be a mother. I confessed to a close friend this week that there is honestly not a day that goes by when I don't think about it on some level. Some days are easier to deal with than others, and this week, after certain events transpired with not only friends, but things I read in the news...this longing was not so easy to deal with. I felt the loss of something I've never even had so greatly, and I grieved deeply. I was angry, questioning why God would give children to some and not to others. I felt overlooked.<br />
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The final nail in my pity party coffin came from a Skype call with my editor. Jessica, I'm calling you out by name simply because I can, and because it's easier for me. When your editor says she wants to Skype so you can talk about the chapter face to face rather than in notes and email...it doesn't cultivate a great sense of confidence in the matter. As it turned out, the anxiety that was growing within me while I was at the gym was justified. Jess and I talked, and it was not good news. In fact, it was pretty horrible news. Apparently my main plot for this third book in my series could pretty much have been ripped from another book/movie I had never even seen before. I was crushed to say the least. Months of hard work, of poor sleep because my brain wouldn't turn off, of research and planning...all of it was now out the window. I was going to have to start back at square one. I found the movie online and watched it, thinking after the first twenty or so minutes, it wasn't really that bad. Then the movie progressed and I could not believe the similarities. How in the <i>world </i>could this movie and my book be so similar when I hadn't even seen it? That was it. I was done. No new book for the faire in May. I would have to tell the person working on my cover that all his work has been for nothing. I would have to disappoint people who were counting on me having my third book for sale next year. I felt...a lot of things.<br />
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This morning I got to get all of this out with someone I love and trust, and she reminded me that God is always working behind the scenes and pointed my attention back to Him. In talking to her, admitted that this book had been so hard to write at times. There were moments I was literally in tears because I was constantly feeling like it wasn't as good, it wasn't as dynamic, it wasn't BIG enough. I know now that my feelings were right. Jess told me point blank that she feels book 2 is better, and is there any wonder? Book 2 came so easily to me! There was never the struggle I had with this one. Then I also realized that the chapters Jess loves the most of book 3 so far are the ones that came so easily. Of course the rest of it is crap. I was trying too hard. I was trying to do it on my own, rather than letting God take the lead as I had last time.<br />
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So now I'm feeling sort of...disillusioned, I guess. I needed the reminder to trust God this morning, and that it's okay to be upset, and to question, and even to rage because God is a big God - He can handle it. I just can't let myself wallow in it. Jess is confident we can fix this, and I trust her without question. If she thinks there's still a story here, even if it needs to be tweaked, I don't doubt her. In fact, I'm so thankful she told me, no matter how uncomfortable it made her to do it and how many tears I shed hearing it. Words cannot express how grateful I am for her honesty, even when it's painful. My series would not be what it is and what it will be without her hand in it.So I have a tentative hope that this will not all go down in flames. Half, maybe, but not all, and that's something.<br />
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As for the other things...y'all, I don't even know. It's going to be a fight every day to trust God knows what He's doing. But I'm going to keep fighting, and I appreciate the people in my life who go to battle for me when I can't do it myself. You are truly invaluable.<br />
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So there you have it, an explanation for my angst. Now that I've gotten it all out, I think it's time for me to go back to work and get this book back on track.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-68534831199860785832016-07-20T09:18:00.000-07:002016-07-20T09:18:09.682-07:00Time to Get RealI think it's been about fifteen minutes now that I have started and restarted this blog entry. Every beginning I come up with just doesn't work, and I end up deleting everything I've written. I want the first few sentences to hook my reader, as all bloggers do, but I think this one is just going to be raw and honest, and may not be the most well written or witty. There's an issue that needs addressing, and I've been trying to figure out the best way to do it. So I guess I'll give it a try.<br />
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A lot of non-believers think Christians are all cookie cutter copies of one another. We all act, think, speak, and carry ourselves the same, as well as have the exact same beliefs on every single subject in the history of everything. Honestly, I know people who think this. It frightens me mostly because I have seen many people who say they are Christ followers, but what they worship most are things of this earth and not of Heaven. I digress, though. This entry isn't about Christianity in a generic sense. It's about something much more personal.<br />
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I was blessed with the opportunity to go to an event this past Saturday where I could sell and sign my books. I've done this twice before at the New Hampshire Renaissance Faire, as well as at a local bookstore. Now, being perfectly honest, the NHRF feels like home to me now. I don't know if any other signing event will top it because they gave me my first shot and welcomed me back with open arms this year. I've even had people threaten me if I didn't return next year with at least one new book. It's my Ren family and I love it. It was through this faire that I met Jeremy Oneail. He approached me this May at my booth and said he was going to be hosting several wizarding (read Harry Potter) events in the coming months and thought I would be a perfect fit for a vendor. I took his info and told him I'd think about it. My gut reaction was "no," but I told him I would think about it, and I was going to do just that. I was also going to pray about it because that is what I do. I try not to make any big decisions like that without talking to God about it first...try being the operative word. I am not a perfect Christian by any stretch of the imagination.<br />
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This first event would be a market day, something set up like Diagon Alley in Harry Potter where people would get to come in, shop, see some shows, drink butterbeer, and meet some of the teachers for the school days in the fall. I was hesitant because of the stigma, quiet honestly, one that was drilled into me from a very early age. This kind of stuff, even if it's fiction, is not okay for a Christian. But, reminded a small voice in my head, I'd read all the books and seen all the movies. God gifted me with a very sensitive spirit when it comes to discernment. I know almost immediately when someone or something is not okay for me or my walk. I get this icky, uncomfortable feeling that tells me something is toxic, and, if I'm smart, I walk away. Harry Potter was never something that made me feel that way. So I prayed about it and received an answer almost right away, a knowledge that this was something I should do. I committed to the three days and looked forward to the new venue.<br />
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I have to tell you, it was crazy! The venue itself was perfect for the atmosphere. If you've ever been to the Higgins Armory in Mass, you'll know how cool it looks inside. If you haven't, look up pictures on Google. It's just a perfect location. I ended up selling 23 books which, again, being honest, was nowhere near what I had wanted or expected to sell. However, Saturday night I learned from many people posting on the event page that there were numerous cases of people wanting to stop at different vendors but they simply couldn't because it was so over-crowded. The total number of people who came through the doors that day was over 1,900, and no one was prepared for that kind of traffic. Keep in mind, this was the first year this event has been held, so no one really knew what to expect. To be over capacity for the building and still have a line of over 100 people out the door waiting to get in? Pretty sure no one planned for that. As the day went on and I sold such a small amount of books to such an overwhelmingly large crowd, I expected to be disappointed. Yet with each book or set of books I sold, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me to pray. I don't know that I have ever prayed for strangers so fervently before. As I packed everything up at the end of the day, I actually felt at peace. I knew those who would read the books were the people that needed the content within the most.<br />
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At one point during the day I had an older woman approach my table. She looked my books over, then eyed the Celtic cross I had next to <i>Heritage. </i>"Are these Christian?" she asked, a mixture of confusion and disgust on her face. Cheerful, I replied, "Yes they are." She looked at me with her brows drawn together. "So you talk about Jesus in these books?" I nodded, the smile never leaving my face. "I do indeed. The names are changed to fit in with the whole fantasy element, but God and Jesus are in there. The story of the crucifixion and salvation are laid out pretty plainly in the first book, and scripture is and will be woven throughout the rest of the series." She didn't say anything for a moment, but glanced over the covers of my books one more time. Then, still confused, she asked, "I thought your people didn't like Harry Potter."<br />
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It was God's grace that kept me from laughing, y'all. <i>Your people. </i>My first thought was, "Lord, help me if I am ever chosen to represent <i>my people.</i>" And then it hit me. That's exactly what I was doing. I nodded again, my smile slipping just a bit because I had two people tell me just the day before that they were disappointed in me for even considering doing an event like this. "This sort of genre is very polarizing for Christians. They either think it's bad and should be avoided at all costs, or they recognize it as fiction and can separate the fact from reality with it. I know Harry Potter is not teaching children how to be a real witch or a real wizard. It's fiction, fantasy...just like my own books." She paused with one more glance at my books, then gave me a small, awkward smile and said, "Well, I don't know if your books are any good, but if they are, good luck," before moving on.<br />
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That conversation was the reality check I needed. How many of those 1,900+ people walking through those doors knew Jesus? How many of them were even open to hearing about Him? How many of them, in this world that has become so full media that boasts of sex, violence, and graphic language, would even get a taste of Christ if it wasn't in an engaging story? I may have disappointed some people by going to this event - heck, I found out this weekend that I have family disappointed in me for writing fantasy to begin with; the devil is a dragon in the bible, you know - but I know God placed me there on purpose.<br />
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Friday was not a good day for me. Besides having the lack of support for my doing this event and it being shown so publicly, I have been struggling with severe depression and self-worth when it comes to my writing. I sat in my bedroom, crying much of the afternoon, questioning whether or not I was doing the right thing. Each time I asked (Thank you, Lord, for never losing patience with me.) I felt that cherished peace come over me that told me my path was the one I was supposed to take. Though friends and loved ones sometimes think they are correct and that their paths should be my own, I am on the one He wants me on, and He knows I know the second I stray from it.<br />
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I know this has been a long entry, and if you've stayed with me to the end, I thank you for having patience with me as well. All of this has been to say that it's okay if someone's walk looks different from your own. You don't know how God is going to use them. If you know their heart truly seeks after God, then you have to trust they are seeking Him still when they go into situations that you might not be comfortable in yourself. Each person is convicted of and by different things in their walk. It's not up to you to condemn them, but to pray for them, to support them, and in private, voice your concern so a dialogue can happen between you and not the rest of the world.<br />
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I love the people in m life who care enough about me to address concerns. I need people like that in my life. We all do. Just remember the next time you see something going on with a friend or loved one that worries you or gives you pause, it is biblical to address it with them and it is healthy to talk about it, but don't condemn anyone for making a choice you would not make yourself. Love, support, and pray when all is said and done. It's what we are called to do as brothers and sisters in Christ.<br />
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Have a fantastic Wednesday, everyone, and happy reading, no matter what your genre!Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-87072143426444478132016-04-15T09:19:00.000-07:002016-04-15T09:21:15.449-07:00Hello, LovelySeveral weeks ago, I walked into church and saw a friend I hadn't seen in weeks. I'll call her Gabby for privacy's sake. Though there were several groups of people between us, I made like a fish swimming upstream and slowly worked my way through the sanctuary until I could get to her. As soon as I was close enough and we made eye contact, I broke into a huge smile, threw my arms around her, and said, "Hello, gorgeous!" In my embrace she gave a light, almost bitter laugh and replied, "I certainly don't feel gorgeous." As we parted, I realized she didn't have any make up on, her hair was carelessly put up, and her clothes were not as "up to standard" as what everyone has come to expect from her, simply because she is always so put together. And yet, she was beautiful.<br />
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It's rare these days that I don't greet my female friends with some variation of the way I greeted Gabby that day. "Hey, beautiful." "Hello, lovely." I don't say these words carelessly, but honestly. We live in a world that is so focused on outer beauty that we often forget that age old adage of beauty being more than skin deep. In this wonderful age where we are beginning to accept the fact that a woman doesn't have to be a size two or even a size twelve to be beautiful, we're still not quite yet there when it comes to looking beyond the flesh. Let's face it, men are visual creatures but women are just as visual. We pass someone on the street who is better dressed, taller, has better hair, and we think, "Ugh. Her life must be so perfect. I bet she's so stuck up." Who knows what men think? I don't know that I want to be privy to that information. The point is, we don't see someone like that and think, "I bet she has a generous spirit." We still, whether we mean to or not, on some level, let our eyes determine how we view others.<br />
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Don't think for a second that I think I am any different. I know I make snap judgements of others based on what I saw, especially strangers. How fair is that? Without getting to know someone, I think I have them all figured out just by seeing them across the room. That outfit must have cost a fortune; clearly she has money. Look at that piercing; such an attention seeker. Look at how short that skirt is; no standards and no shame.<br />
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But what if people did that to me? Now, I'm not a huge fan of this term, but I'll be the first to admit that I have resting bitch face, meaning if I am not smiling or making an active effort to show some kind of emotion on my face, I look ticked. I'm not. Generally, it takes a great deal to get me irritated enough to the point where I actually am angry. I've also been told I look like a lost or abandoned child. So, you know, my go-to faces aren't the best representative of who I am, yet people who don't know me see me and assume I am one way or another. They hear I am on disability and <i>look</i> at me only to see nothing wrong on the surface, which leads to other judgements.<br />
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Guys, we have got to stop doing this to each other. And by guys, I mean all of us. We have to stop assuming we know someone just by what we see. You can never know a person's heart by looking at the name brand shoes they're wearing or how well kept they are. I have found in my own life that there are people I have made snap judgements about, thinking, "I will never have anything in common with this person," who have gone on to be some of my closest, dearest friends.<br />
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That is what beauty really is. When you see a person and you light up because you know you can trust them, that you can be honest and vulnerable with them...I don't know anything more beautiful than the glow of someone who has someone invested in them and loving them for exactly who they are.<br />
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Ladies, if I see you and greet you with this compliment, people know that I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I don't care about your make up, your hair, your clothes...I care about you, and I do think you're beautiful. Love makes everyone beautiful, and there is no greater example of that than the unconditional love we receive from God. If He can look at a walking, talking mess like <b>me</b> and think, "That's my beautiful, precious daughter," the least I can do is try to look at others through His eyes. Who knows? My next life-long friend could be among those I have harshly misjudged because I was too distracted by what was on the outside to see what was on the inside.<br />
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That being said, I'm going to style my pink hair, put on my sparkly gray zebra print sweater, and go do some errands.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-13265736799138724352016-04-08T09:50:00.002-07:002016-04-08T09:50:39.408-07:00I See Your Game, NetflixI'll be the first to admit that I have a bit of a Facebook addiction. It's one that I sometimes hate myself for when I've found myself scrolling through page after page of stupid memes, videos of animals, and pictures of food, quoting Paul when he cries, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." It would be a terrifying number to see if I added up all the minutes I wasted on social media instead of spending that time writing. I mean, the people I'm really interested in keeping up with, I talk to regularly as it is. Sounds harsh, but let's be honest with ourselves here. If we were really as "invested" in our Facebook "friends" in real life as we were online, we'd have much better relationships and less surface friendships.<br />
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<span class="p">That being said, social media has its merits. I don't have cable and I don't get the paper, so most of my news comes from social media links and articles. In fact it was through one of these articles that I recently found out that Netflix is quietly raising the price of their streaming service. Yes, you read that right. Old users who were "grandfathered" in when the new user price hike was enacted will now be charged $9.99 a month. For more information, check out <a href="http://time.com/money/4285562/netflix-price-hike-subscriptions/?xid=frommoney_soc_socialflow_facebook_money" target="_blank">this</a> article. I don't agree with how secretive this increase has been and how they're going about letting people know about it - or <b>not </b>let them know about it as the case may be - but I don't think the hike itself is anything to shed tears or tear robes about.</span><br />
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<span class="p">Think about it. Netflix is like the fan fic writer we all want to be. It's the guy passing off story suggestions to other people but nothing he's suggesting is original content. Then one day his favorite show gets canceled or it doesn't end the way he wants it to (inset your own scenario here) and he decides to write his own ending and pass it around. He picked up where the story left off, or where it should have left off. The reviews on his stuff are so positive that he decides he's going to go out on a limb and start creating his own original works. Because he's taking on this new, full-time venture, he wants to get paid, and well he should.</span><br />
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<span class="p">Netflix has been creating more and more movies and shows that you can't watch anywhere else, and they are not cheaply made. Things like this cost money, and the demand for these new and exciting serials is growing day by day. Personally, I'd love to see more family related things than a lot of the sex-and-swear-filled stuff they're putting out there, but personal feelings aside, I understand supply and demand. You can't ask for more of something, for better quality of that something, and not expect to have to pay for it. It's really simple economics, especially if I understand it because economics make my head want to explode.</span><br />
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<span class="p">This was not the update I had planned for today, but the article sparked something in me and I wanted to try and help get the world out about the price hike so less people are blindsided. Also, I know I promised vlogs. They are coming, but it's taking a little longer to set up than I'd anticipated. I've got some really fun stuff coming for my channel, though, and I will certainly keep you posted.</span><br />
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<span class="p">So, readers, what are your favorite Netflix creations, and what do you love about them? I am always up for recommendations and love to know what others are into. Leave your comments below!</span>Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-89401932637628148262016-04-01T08:37:00.000-07:002016-04-01T08:37:20.308-07:00Why I May Look A Little DifferentGoodness, has it really been almost a year since my last update? Well, nine months. Still! What a slacker I have been. Be prepared because that is about to change. I plan to start updating this thing once a week, probably every Friday. Also, every Friday I will be uploading vlogs on my YouTube channel. No link yet because nothing is really up that would interest anyone. Next week, though.<br />
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So it's April Fools. This is the worst day of the year. You can't believe anything you hear or see. Except for what you read here today. I can assure you 100% that I am not pulling anything over on you or just writing this for a laugh. This is completely serious. And a bit embarrassing. It's also something I've struggled with in silence for quite a few years now, and I'm tired of carrying the secret. When thinking about having a presence on social media this last month, I decided to opt for total transparency. Yes, some things I will keep to myself because everyone does. What I mean is that I will admit to struggles, to victories, the ideas I'm entertaining, I will share my faith, and I will share the days when my faith is lacking. That kind of transparency. So let's get started.<br />
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People who have known me for awhile know that I struggled with severe anxiety and depression in my early/mid twenties. My anxiety was so bad that I was borderline agoraphobic. Even going outside to check the mail made me anxious. I lived with it for awhile, but eventually I realized I needed help and went to a psychiatrist. He put me on something that was relatively new at the time, and experimental for people with my condition. I don't know whether it helped with my issues or not, but I took it daily because it was making me lose weight. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only thing it was making me lose. Day by day, I would notice more and more hair in my brush and in the shower. I've always had thin, fine hair to begin with, so losing hair was something that was easily noticed. It happened in patches, usually in spots that were easy to cover up with the right hair style. I don't know how long it took me to figure out that it was the meds, but eventually I did an internet search of the side effects of this particular drug. Lo and behold, I found an alarming number of women who had experienced the same thing. Some of them said their hair slowly began growing back once they stopped the meds, others said there hadn't been any regrowth to speak of yet.<br />
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Thankfully, most of the patches grew back. My hair was still very fine and very thin, but it worked. No on could tell I had lost so much hair. At least if they did, they never said anything to me about it, for which I am grateful. I was so fragile back then, who knows what that added weight would have done to me.<br />
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Now if that was where my story ended, it would be great. However, along with medication taking my hair, genetics are against me. Because the hair loss started so early and the genes handed down to me, the hair at the crown of my head never grew back in right. In 2014 I shaved my head, partially for St. Baldrick's and partially because I hoped shaving my head would help promote new growth. It didn't. Instead, while most of my hair grew out just as fine and thin as before (but healthy for the first time in ages) the crown of my head had gone into early retirement. I've been pretty successful at hiding it, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to do so as the giant bald patch on the top of my head spreads. I noticed just how big it was yesterday when trying to put my hair in a cute style, and lost it. I literally sat in my bathroom and just cried.<br />
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I've tried natural and chemical hair loss treatments, all of which only made more hair fall out. I have wigs and I've worn them before, but I can't style them the way I like to style hair. Either way, I feel like less of a woman. Let me tell you, when I was sobbing in my bathroom, Satan used that as a prime opportunity to slip in and remind me about all of my other imperfections and how I'm pretty much going to be alone for the rest of my life because what man could ever want<u><i><b> that</b></i></u>?<br />
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It was a struggle, but I made myself go to Celebrate Recovery last night, and I'm glad I did. It was freeing to share my struggles in such a safe place, to confess how much I was hurting to room full of women who, while probably unable to empathize, could certainly sympathize and offer me support just by listening. I needed that.<br />
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This morning, God and I had a talk. Let me tell you a little bit about my relationship with my heavenly Dad. He likes to pick on me. Being who He is, He knows sarcasm is one my love languages, and when we are deep into conversation with one another, he isn't afraid to slip a little snark in. I won't go into my prayer time because it's special and sacred to me, but long story short, I decided to try out the whole wig thing again. But this time it will be different. This time I'm not doing it to hide, to fade into the background and blend in. This time I am doing it with confidence. And a little adventure. I have two brunette wigs, a blonde, and a pink. I'm not going to be afraid to wear <b>any</b> of them, anywhere. Heck, I may even show up to church one day with rainbow colored hair. God doesn't care what color my hair (or my fake hair) is. He cares that I'm there. He cares that my heart is His and it longs to seek after Him and worship Him, and that is why I am there.<br />
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I'd really wanted to do this in a vlog because I tend to ramble on when I write, but also because I know this is a secret shame of a lot of women. Hair loss is not just for men, y'all. Not to take away from the pain men go through when losing their hair, but it's worse for a woman. Trust me on this. I don't think I've seen a bald or balding man yet that didn't wear it well when he owned it. It's hard to do that as a woman.<br />
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So the next time you see me, if I have short brown hair, long blonde curls, or pink pigtails, don't be surprised. It's still the same me, just with a little less shine up top.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-74537066686023488642015-07-06T09:33:00.002-07:002015-07-06T10:10:22.083-07:00Beyond the Book ClubA few days ago on Facebook I mentioned something about starting up a book club. I'm part of a book club that I joined on Meetup.com but have yet to actually make it to a meeting because the closest they meet is Concord, and they seem to always picks nights for gatherings to be nights when I have standing plans. Needless to say the excitement I felt when first joining this group dwindled after each missed gathering. But instead of getting discouraged I decided to get smart and just start my own.<br />
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About a year ago I started reading a series by Christian author Laura Jensen Walker, a series called "The Getaway Girls" that followed a group of women from all different ages, different personality types, different walks of life who met and bonded over books and their mutual love of them. During one of their meetings they decide they don't want to be the typical book club any longer, that they don't want to just sit around, stuffing their faces and discussing books. They wanted to start <i>living</i> them. I thought the idea was genius and decided, maybe it's time I stopped reading my books as well. Maybe it's time I start living them. And I'm inviting anyone who wants to, to join me. Men and women, young and old, single or married. It's good to have diversity and to mix it up once in awhile. So here's the official pitch:<br />
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Here is it, another book club just like all the rest out there. Except not. Beyond the Book Club is just as it sounds. We read books, we discuss them, but we also take it one step further. Each book we read and discuss will be the beginning of an adventure, an engaging opportunity to do something amazing, fun, and hopefully adventerous. Because the excitement doesn't have to end when the book does. "Around the World in 80 Days" may lead to a hot air balloon ride, "Moby Dick" could end in a whale watch, "Emma" just may have you being set up on a blind date, and "Les Miserables" could take you all the way to Paris. We'll meet bi-monthly to discuss our chosen books and the adventures that are sure to follow.<br />
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Our first meeting will be Monday, July 20 at 6pm at Wayfarer Coffee Roasters on Main Street in Laconia. They are open until 7 so that should give us enough time to get something delicious to drink and/or nom on while we talk, and be able to introduce ourselves and really get to the meat of our group. From there we can figure out a night/time/place that works the best for all of us and figure out our next meeting. With any luck, we'll also be choosing our first book that night as well.<br />
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Bring your questions, bring book suggestions, and bring a friend! Looking forward to seeing everyone there!Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-36885999834852304082015-04-24T13:34:00.000-07:002015-04-24T13:34:26.669-07:00Me and My Broken Heart pt. 1Several weeks ago I was sitting in the commons at CenterPoint listening to an amazing testimony at Celebrate Recovery. I'd just had dinner and fellowship, sang songs, and was doing absolutely nothing that would cause my heart to start beating weird. But all of the sudden the room got darker than it was and it felt like I was tumbling down a long black tunnel. All sound went away, all sensation but that of falling. It happened twice in a 45 minute period. That was five weeks ago and while it hasn't been to the almost blacking out stage, I've had definite moments of dizziness that were so severe that I could focus on nothing else.<br />
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In five weeks it's happened <i>at least</i> a dozen times. Sometimes my heart races, sometimes it feels like it's beating through sludge. Sometimes it skips beats. Once it even felt like a car engine that tried to turn over before shuddering to a stop. There were nights I would go to bed praying just to wake up in the morning.<br />
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Today I finally got in the see my new Cardiologist. My previous one, the one I have been seeing for years, no longer had my trust when she said, "Can't you just ignore it?" to chest pains I was having some months back. Um, no. I'm sorry. I can't. I have a pulmonary aneurysm. I have every right and reason to be concerned. Don't tell me to ignore it.<br />
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Anyway. So I was able to get in to see a doctor from Dartmouth-Hitchcock, the doctor who found the aneurysm to begin with, and I haven't felt so taken care of and validated in a very long time. Each test they did they talked me through and discussed the results, my doctor had real in-depth conversations with me about my medical history as well as what is going on now. No one made me feel like I was over-reacting or crazy as I often felt when seeing my previous doctor. I feel like I'm finally with people who know what they're doing.<br />
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I only have a few results from today, thus the pt. 1 of the title.<br />
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<li>My blood pressure is seriously wonky. My systolic pressure is always pretty much the same and a really good number. My diastolic pressure goes from being low to high, and back again depending on the position I'm in, my activity level, the weather, if potatoes are on sale, whether or not my socks match. Basically it's unpredictable. </li>
<li>The aneurysm is still there and a little bigger, but not much. Still inoperable. Still annoying.</li>
<li>Dr. Flanagan thinks the dizziness might be linked to the deterioration in my cervical spine but wants to wait to explore that until the results of my monitor have been read. For now I need to be doing what I have been doing which is being still when the dizziness kicks in and journal <i>everything.</i></li>
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I have to wear a heart monitor for the next two weeks and let me tell you, I look like some sort of bio-cyborg hybrid project. It's kind of awesome. In two weeks I mail it back, wait another week for the results, and we go from there.<br />
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So that's all I have to share for now. I'm really glad I don't have to wear this during the first weekend of my signing because that would suck. But I am grateful for the fact that I'm being taken care of.<br />
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Stay tuned for part two coming next month!Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-82212979011305915272015-03-26T14:18:00.004-07:002015-04-02T13:17:42.243-07:00It's Contest Time!For those of you who do not know I've been talking about a contest off and on for about a month now on the <i>Age of Valor</i> <a href="https://www.facebook.com/ageofvalor" target="_blank">fanpage</a>. (For those of you who <b><i>really</i></b> don't know, AoV is my fantasy series.) Well today is the day we finally get to the nitty gritty of it all. I've been wanting to do one for some time but couldn't think of a good prize until just two days ago. I think it's a fantastic prize in my very humble opinion. Hopefully everyone else does as well. So what is it, you ask? It's a painting. By me. Signed for you and shipped anywhere worldwide.<br />
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14x17 acrylic painting on stretched canvas, signed</div>
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I doubt I will paint this again simply because I never do the same thing twice when I create things so this is a one-of-a-kind piece that you could have, ready to hang without even a frame.</div>
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Here is how you can gain entries into the raffle for this painting:</div>
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1 entry for liking the fanpage on Facebook</div>
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1 entry for sharing the page</div>
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1 entry for liking and sharing this contest post on Facebook</div>
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1 entry if you've already bought/downloaded the book</div>
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1 entry for sharing this contest on other social media networks </div>
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5 entries if you've left a review on the Amazon page or leave a new one</div>
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10 entries for each new book purchase or download</div>
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Working on the honor system here, please leave a comment either here or on the Facebook page telling me which of these you have fulfilled so that I can give you proper entry numbers. </div>
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The winner - to be chosen by a random generator - will be chosen three weeks from today. That gives you plenty of time to tick these things off and get the maximum number of 20 entries. Already bought the book? Buy it for someone else you know who likes fantasy! Once the winner is chosen I'll send you a private message via Facebook or we can exchange emails, and your lovely new painting will sent to you right away.</div>
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Good luck everyone!</div>
Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-8706475444692498202015-03-23T10:37:00.000-07:002015-03-23T10:37:57.146-07:00Well That Didn't WorkIt's funny to think about how different my life was just ten years ago, how different I was in general. I can count on one hand the number of people who knew the girl who sat in her apartment having a panic attack at the very idea of leaving that safety and security to even check the mail. And if I absolutely had to go somewhere I needed to be with a "safe" person and not out for too long or I would lose it.<br />
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...who was that girl?<br />
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When I tell people about how I used to be, even after sharing my story at Celebrate Recovery, I've had people express how hard it is to believe I was ever like that. My usual response is to kind of laugh it off because it was really another life ago, but the person I was then and the person I am now has been thrown into such contrast in the past two weeks that I really can't ignore it.<br />
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Anyone who has known me for more than a few months knows the part of my story where I sing the praises of One Voice. (Get it? Sing the praises? They sing praises? Well I never said I was funny.) God used them to save my life in a very literal sense. He used people within One Voice to shake me out of whatever stupor I was in. I was suddenly on stage singing, dancing, acting...and I loved it! I found confidence in myself on stage, and off stage I had people speaking into my life, coming alongside me in a way no one really had before. Fast forward a few years and I was led to CenterPoint where God place certain women in my life who would really kick the growing and stretching into high gear.<br />
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The girl who was literally afraid of her own shadow had become a woman who was actively pursuing a writing career, being her own publicity agent, eager to join classes at church and leading groups. What? Who is this strange woman?! I like her a lot better than that scared little girl I used to be.<br />
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An innocent comment made on something I posted on Facebook yesterday only deepend my self-reflection and took my thoughts a bit farther. Someone said "I<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">'m so glad you're opening up and are able to visit all of these wonderful places!" and my initial thought as, "Well why wouldn't I?" Then I remembered she was one of those few friends who knew me during my dark days.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">The truth of the matter is traveling used to be a secret dream of mine, something I always wanted to do but never actually saw myself doing. Of course there was Scotland, that was the ultimate dream. To be able to go and meet family I've never met, to explore, see the family castle and all that...how cool would that be? But only figuratively because to go to Scotland would require leaving my apartment. But as I grew and came more out of my heavy and somehow still very fragile shell, that desire only grew with me.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I've begun saving for that trip to Scotland. Most days it feels like I am never going to get there because, right now, everything I've saved is going into publicity and things for the book. I'm hoping it produces good returns and I'll end up with more that what I started with. That desire to go is so strong some days that it feels like I'm missing a part of myself. How weird is that? I thought it might just be waderlust and a need to be elsewhere but I'm kind of thinking it's not.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Three weekends ago I went to North Carolina for a Celebrate Recovery one-day conference and I was so excited to be someplace new! Conference aside (which was amazing by the way) I was thrilled to be in a place I knew nothing about and knew no one besides the two women with me. But we didn't really have much time to explore. Then I just came back from a week in Florida which was also super exciting. Again, I knew no one except the people I was with. And it was on this trip that I realized something:</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I want to go alone.</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Both times I traveled I was with people I loved and people I love spending time with. All of them made my trips so enjoyable on so many different levels. But there is something to be said for going it alone. One of my very best friends suggested when I go to Scotland I should go alone and I agreed because she made good points, but it really clicked into place for me these past couple of weeks.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I want to be on my own time table with no one else to consider. If I want to go, I'll go. If I want to stay where I am and write, I'll write. If I want to go to bed early I will, and if I want to stay up all night doing nothing but looking at the sky, I will. I have several friends who have expressed interest in going with me and have all but said they'd be happy doing whatever I wanted to do because it would be my trip, but the thing is, no one could be happy doing everything I'm doing exactly when I want to do it except me. Because everyone is different. And because of who I am I will pick up on hesitance or desire to do something or be elsewhere and likely either give into it or feel guilty for not giving into it.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I want to go alone.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">Not because I am anti-social, secluding, or being an extreme introvert. Because I want this adventure for myself. I want to be away from everything and everyone safe and familiar and see what happens. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body"><span class="UFICommentBody" data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0"><span data-reactid=".9q.1:3:1:$comment10206551623131603_10206551672012825:0.0.$right.0.$left.0.0.1.$comment-body.0.$end:0:$0:0">I'm going to make it happen somehow. Soon. Mostly because I want to but also because I know a lot of people doubt it will happen. And I like to prove people wrong. Pride issues. Maybe I should bring that up at my next CR meeting...</span></span></span></span>Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-40229817320353006952015-02-13T10:35:00.000-08:002015-02-13T10:35:10.713-08:00Happy Singles Awareness DayFor a long time I have laughingly said that I was terminally single, meaning it was something I could not change and would likely die from. It always came out as a flippant comment, something to make light of an area in which I was really struggling. As society evolves (or devolves in some cases) more and more women are deciding they don't want and/or need the whole marriage and kids shebang. Sadly it's become more commonplace for women to "take matters into their own hands" and just find companionship when they feel like they need it, no strings attached. How that doesn't leave someone feeling all the more empty after the fact, I have no idea. Or maybe it does and that's the drawback to this so-called freedom that no one really wants to discuss.<br />
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I laughed when I saw this because it's true.</div>
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I've brought this tender subject to God many a time over, always lamenting my lack of a man in my life, of children, of really feeling like an adult. I've discussed it with my friends, both single and married, who have all said singleness is a freedom to be cherished. And while I did understand I didn't have to worry about certain things preventing me to do crazy things on a whim, what they didn't seem to understand was that I longed for those ties. Sure, I could go on a week-long road trip if I wanted, but who did I have to share it with? Who did I have to come home to? Singleness was a gift I no longer wanted. I had outgrown it and was ready to exchange it for something different.<br />
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Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but I've often tried to convince myself that I would be fine if I was single for the rest of my life. There has been a lot of trauma in my past so maybe it would really be better to avoid that whole thing all together. I thought if I said it often enough, that I was better off single, it would begin to take root and make itself true. But it never really did. At least, not until very recently.<br />
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At group Wednesday we had two questions we went over: What are you not trusting God to take from you and what have you turned over to Him. Well in the past couple of weeks I truly did turn over this whole single vs. not single thing, and for the first time since I brought it before God so many years ago, I felt a real peace wash over me. It was a peace that was full of trust. Still is. I can honestly say I will be happy either way. If God chooses to bless me with a husband, great. If He doesn't, I trust it's for the best. So many writers I know lose their mojo for writing once they get married. I have always been terrified that would happen to me, so maybe that's why I'm still single. Or maybe it's a completely different, obscure reason I'll never understand. No matter what, I'm okay with it.<br />
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Also, wasn't it Paul who said it's better to stay single so that nothing
can sway your focus from Christ? I already have so many things that distract me from Him as it is. <br />
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On the subject of children, well that's a little different. Since I am one of those "crazy Christians" who believes when God says sex is for those who are married to one another and won't go sleeping around in hopes of getting pregnant, there are some options I can explore. And will explore. Besides, who wants to end up an Ace of Base song? Did I just date myself? Goodness, I am so old.<br />
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In the meantime I will go back to writing. I think I'm about 7 or 8 chapters away from the first draft of book two being finished. I would love to have it already be in the editing process before the book signing in May so that I can promote not only the first book, but have some sort of teaser for the second as well. They say the best way for unknowns to become better knowns is to write more than one book. Well, I'm working on it. I'm hoping the audio drama will be completed by then as well, but if not I'll definitely be bringing what is completed to be playing at my booth. More teasers. What fun.<br />
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Happy Valentines Day, everyone. A day early. Have a blessed weekend, snow or no snow. <br />
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<br />Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-7750054650074007042014-11-25T14:33:00.001-08:002014-11-25T14:33:10.036-08:00Thank YouMost people who click on the link to this blog update probably won't care very much about this entry. I'm just letting you know that right from the beginning. But I'm not writing this for most people. I'm writing this to a group of individuals who deserve to be recognized before they can be "recognized" by the fruits of their labor.<br />
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Last night was the last official cast meeting for the <i>Age of Valor: Heritage</i> audio drama that is in the works. I met this crazy cast of actors back in July when they all blew me away in the auditions for different roles. The talent I was presented with and the eagerness with which they all came aboard was really inspirational to me. Through our weekly meetings where we would go over lines and talk about random, crazy stuff that would make our meetings go way over the time they should have, they became more than just voices bringing my characters to life. They became friends. Some of them became like family.<br />
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So for my cast...I don't know how to say a proper thank you with my words. You have made me look forward to each and every Monday night and regret that our structured time together is over for now. I loved the silliness as much as I loved when we all buckled down, got into character, and really got into a scene. You have no idea how much you've inspired me. Not only were your kind, encouraging thoughts about the story and the characters themselves heartfelt, they made me even more determined to make the next books in the series something you would want to come back to, to reprise your roles and pick up new ones...something you can be proud of.<br />
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Every single one of you brought something amazing and unique to this cast, no matter how big or small your role was, and I am convinced each of you was meant to be who you are. Even if you died. ~_^ Your thoughts about the future of these characters and possible storylines have definitely had a hand in the future of this series and, as you all know by this point, even the silly things will live on somehow. It's all for the lentils, after all.<br />
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Thank you so much for bringing my characters to life in a way I never could have on my own. I can't wait until the whole thing is put together and finished so everyone else can finally hear what I have been privileged to hear all along. I hope you will be proud of it. And I can't wait to come back together and do it all over again for book two.<br />
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Love you guys.<br />
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Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-55437560429361682202014-11-07T18:20:00.000-08:002014-11-07T18:20:36.209-08:00Adventures in DepressionI'm not exactly sure when it happened. For years I'd managed to keep everything under control, and not just on the outside. Sure, I got good at hiding it for awhile, but at some point I wasn't "faking it until I was making it", I was actually doing all right. And it lasted for quite a few years. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, it hit me. It was this sudden weight tied to my ankles and heaviness in my chest. I knew what it was but I was afraid that if I gave it a name I would be admitting it had returned. I was sad. I was tired. I was lonely.<br />
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I was depressed.<br />
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For safety sake, I'll say here that this is a trigger warning for what you will find between the stars. And some of what you read may be unsettling. Especially if you only know me as the happy, smiling girl you see at church every week, or the producer who is always giggling and cheerful in cast meetings. You have been warned. <br />
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Admitting I was depressed was such a hard thing to do. Harder than anyone knows. *In fact, many don't know that in my early twenties my depression was so bad that I had suicidal thoughts on more than one occasion. I remember nights I happened to be alone in my apartment, sitting on the floor and having vivid imaginations about how to go about doing it. Obviously I never went through with it, but I did find other very unhealthy ways to cope.* I suppose cope isn't the best word to use. Distract would be more accurate I suppose. But back then I had nothing going on. I had precious few friends, health issues no one understood, anxiety beyond description, no job, and no real picture of my future. I saw no way out and I had plenty of reasons to be depressed. Now? Now....everything is so different.<br />
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I've never had so many truly awesome things going on at once in my life. Let me tell you, when you ask God to use you and mean it with your whole heart...hang on. Because He'll take you for a ride. Don't ask to be used if you don't really want to be used. I'm just saying.</div>
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For awhile last year my relationship with God was a little strained. Not because of Him but because of me. I was questioning everything I thought He was telling me to do, all the while asking to be led in the direction He wanted me to go. I knew I was doing it but I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't trust enough to really, well, trust. It's like I was asking a cartographer for the right road to take, then asking a barber, a shoe salesman, and a blind man what they thought the cartographer's very straightforward directions meant. Texas didn't happen. Ben and I didn't work out. My car....my car... So I kind of kept my distance from God without moving too far away, if that make sense.</div>
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I knew, at least I felt, I had disappointed Him. So I kept Him at arm's length until fairly recently, actually. Through a group I was part of at church I had things stripped away and it was like a new beginning for my spirituality. That was when I asked God to use me. It was the true cry of my heart. And He began using me. Sometimes in ways I wouldn't have even expected. But then things He was doing with me and through me were amazing. So when did the bad stuff come back, and why couldn't I get rid of it?</div>
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For a few weeks I was having random anxiety attacks over silly things. Sometimes over nothing at all. Then I started having them in the middle of the night. They weren't things that woke me up, but happened in very vivid dreams I couldn't escape. So I'd wake up the next morning exhausted because my body had reacted as though I were having these massive attacks. A very dear friend of mine began praying for me (as I know others were) and the panic attacks subsided. But sleep was still elusive for awhile. I was so afraid of sleep that I did what I could to stay awake. And when I did fall asleep I could constantly wake up in fear of falling too deep asleep. </div>
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Then there is the depression. I'll have you know I have never been happier in my life before than I am at this moment. But I've also never felt more broken. Wounded. Exposed. Raw. Insanely lonely. I hurt, and most days I hurt deeply. And for no reason. I praise God through it all because I know it's what I'm supposed to do (SO thankful for Alanna Story's newest album!)...but it won't go away.</div>
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Some Christians believe with everything in them that medication for depression and anxiety is a cop out. They'll tell you that you need to pray harder, or that there is some sin nature that is separating you from God and allowing these oppressive feelings to control you. I say that's crap. I say, unless you've ever struggled with these issues and have been on medication for it, you can't understand. It's not a crutch, it's not something to hide behind, and depression/anxiety not something anyone can willingly turn on or off.</div>
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For those who have the time (and can overlook a bit of language) I suggest you read <a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html" target="_blank">this</a> entry in "Hyperboloe and a Half" as well as <a href="http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html" target="_blank">part two</a> because they are so accurate. I was there before for all of it from beginning to end. For a long time. I'm not going to allow myself to get there again.</div>
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So next week I'll opt to pick up the phone and call someone, a professional who will let me cry in her office while I try and will and pray away this chemical imbalance in my brain that makes me more prone to anxiety and depression than some than cry over a bowl of milk and soggy Wheaties. And instead of worrying about how people are going to judge me as I use to, I'll remind myself of the truth; that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking this type of help. Science has proven depression and anxiety are not simply "mood disorders" but real medical issues. If someone judges me for looking to correct that chemical imbalance they also judge the person who takes vitamins to make up for deficiencies, who takes cold medicine for a nasty cough...anyone who seeks medical treatment for any medical ailment.</div>
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This long-winded post is mostly my confession, but also an offer of encouragement to anyone else out there that may be struggling. Don't ever feel ashamed for asking for help and actively seeking it out. Ever. </div>
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Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-44570237973849038042014-10-15T09:41:00.001-07:002014-10-15T09:41:43.183-07:00The Dreaded Ugly Cry<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today is not going the way I had imagined, let's just put it that way. I woke up nervous but excited because a guy who was very interested in my car was taking it to his mechanic to get it inspected and see if it was worth the investment. I prayed. A lot. And I asked others to pray as well. It all seemed so promising. He test drove it the other day and really loved the vehicle. It was an end to a year-long dramatic nightmare for me and a light at the end of a vehicle-less tunnel if he offered me the right price. Maybe I could even get back into an Aztek, my beloved dream car!<br />
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Little did I know, the drama was not over.<br />
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About a half hour ago, said guy called me from a gas station to tell me he had stopped to fill up the tank, then watched it all pour right out from a hole in the bottom of the gas tank that literally had not even been there four days ago. It is no longer safe to drive and he's sorry, but he doesn't think he'll be buying my car. Well heck no, I wouldn't either! But now I have a car in a town a half hour away from me that I have to somehow find the money to have towed somewhere and worked on. Because nothing with this ridiculous car has been simple, easy, or cheap. And I am so beyond done with it. Beyond. Done. To the point where I'd like to set it on fire and push it off a cliff.<br />
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For years I have been without a vehicle and have had to ask to borrow
cars or find rides to appointments and meetings, and quite frankly, I am
bloody tired of it! <br />
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It's days like this when I struggle with trusting God's plans. So I cry.
Usually a lot. Today it even hit the ugly cry. But once I get it all
out, there is the chorus to a song by JJ Heller that ALWAYS pops into my head:<br />
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"Sometimes I don't know, I don't know what You're doing</div>
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But I know who You are..."</div>
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And as the song filters through my sadness and the whirlwind of "How am I ever going to do/get/figure out.....?!?!" I know it's going to be okay. Might not
be today, tomorrow, or even next week. But I know He's got me. And
when I let myself remember that, I feel at peace. One of my very favorite verses is Matthew 6:26 because it reminds me,<br />
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"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in
barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more
valuable than they?"</div>
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<span class="p">So now I wait, I pray, and see what the next step is. Because I am taken care of. And I do trust that. I will always trust that, even if I have my moments of doubt.</span></div>
Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-10631334850176002162014-08-12T07:18:00.001-07:002014-08-12T07:18:14.414-07:00ISIS, Westborough Church, and Robin WilliamsAs everyone knows there is a slaughter going on in Iraq. Christians
are being systematically killed because they refuse to renounce God and,
more often than not, still being killed even if they do. Women are
being raped and taken as sexual prisoners, men are being hanged,
children are being beheaded. <strong>Children</strong>. All because they
believe in and follow the teachings of Christ. This is genocide the
likes we have not seen since the Holocaust. And if this does not sicken
and enrage you, it should.<br />
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Too often on the internet we ignore
that which we do not like or simply don’t want to deal with. If we
don’t acknowledge it, it’s not really there. Maybe if we post enough
Harry Potter gifs or hilarious text reblogs we can forget that hundreds
of people are dying. We allow ourselves to become ambivalent, numb, and
even will the ignorance to happen. And that is dangerous and the
opposite of what we should be doing. These people are our brothers and
sisters in Christ. To simply sit here, say, “That’s terrible!” and then
turn on Netflix to drown out the noise of the world is not the way we,
as Christians, should be dealing with this. Because no matter where you
are on this planet, this threat could very well come to your back door
as well.<br />
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Persecution is coming. It’s been foretold in the Bible. But while we
still have our freedom and our voices, there are things we can do. <a href="http://www.christiantoday.com/article/crisis.in.iraq.six.things.you.can.actually.do.to.help/39094.htm" target="_blank" title="5 Things You Can Do Right Now">http://www.christiantoday.com/article/crisis.in.iraq.six.things.you.can.actually.do.to.help/39094.htm</a><br />
We cannot afford to be casual about this. We need to act, and we need to act now.<br />
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By now everyone has heard the tragic news of the death of Robin
Williams. He was a man beloved by many and will be greatly missed. And
this morning I read that Westborough Church will be picketing his
funeral. These people claim to act according to God’s will but all they
are really doing is giving Christians a bad name. They preach hate and
intolerance, which is the opposite of the way a true Christ-follower
should act. It’s up to us to show what a true follower of Christ looks
like. When we proclaim ourselves a Christian everything we say and do
becomes open for scrutiny. Remember that when it comes to things you
post and say. Because people are looking to you as an example. Be a
light in this dark world, don’t bring about more darkness. Conduct
yourselves as though Jesus was sitting beside you, seeing what you’re
posting, hearing what you’re saying. Because he is. He believes in the
best in us and we should strive to prove that his high thoughts of us
are accurate.<br />
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The death of Robin Williams has come as a severe blow to nearly
everyone. Many have grown up with him as a constant in their favorite
movies and television shows. It has been said that those who make us
laugh the most are usually fighting the biggest demons, and I believe
that to be true. While Robin touched many of us and left so many lasting
impressions, he struggled in silence with depression and bi-polar
disorder. And unfortunately many people do, Christians especially.<br />
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There is this stigma and attitude among Christians that we are
perfect, and if we’re not we need to at least fake it until we make it. I
believe there are no bigger perpetrators to this than other Christians
themselves. Mental and emotional disorders are taboo, and don’t even
mention medication for these issues in some Christian circles. It comes
with the implication that you are not following Christ close enough,
you’re not praying right, that something in your life is wrong. That you
yourself are just wrong. This is a stigma that needs to be dispelled.
If you need medication to feel normal and able to function, that’s okay.
If you need someone to talk to on a professional level, that’s okay.
You wouldn’t shame someone for taking a pill because of a vitamin
deficiency, would you? Same thing. There is a chemical imbalance that
sometimes only medication can fix. We need to be supportive and stop
making people struggling to feel less than or imperfect. Because, you
know what? We’re pretty imperfect ourselves.<br />
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When someone in your life who has had great positive impact passes
away the risk of suicide is elevated. When that person is a public
figure the number of suicide risks goes up exponentially. I can only
imagine how much greater the number when the public figure is as dearly
loved as Robin Williams.<br />
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If you are struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, please
don’t suffer in silence. There are so many options available for you
now, so many resources to make use of.<br />
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines</a><br />
<a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/">http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/</a><br />
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Talk to a friend or family member. Be honest with your struggles.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, or for just a listening ear. Sometime
it helps to just be able to get it all out. <br />
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You are not a burden, and you are not alone. You are a precious gift and worth every moment spent in your company.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-46249669709470943422014-07-10T08:45:00.001-07:002014-07-10T08:45:24.922-07:00When I Was A Young WarthogTitle has nothing to do with entry. I just couldn't think of anything clever and "Hakuna Matata" was on Pandora. Yes, I listen to Disney on a daily basis. Don't judge me. Moving on. <br />
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After days of heat and extremely high humidity, I woke up this morning to temps in the mid-sixties and a humidity percentage below sixty. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and I decided to take two of the air conditioners out to let the breezes run through the apartment, It's funny how just a little chilly wind can lift your spirits so much. Even Gallifrey is in a better mood, more his peppy self. He, like myself, seems to have trouble breathing in the heat and humidity, and we're both excited to be able to be out on the porch today, just enjoying the weather.<br />
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For anyone who lives in the Lakes Region, you've at least heard of Aroma Joe's if not experienced them for yourselves. I am not ashamed to admit that I am addicted to their coffee. So, feeling particularly jovial today, I decided to treat myself because, as they say, they are "wicked good".<br />
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It seems like on almost every back road there is construction of some sort going on, so I cranked up my music and just settled in with the understanding that a five minute trip was more than likely going to be closer to fifteen. On the way back home, sitting in a line of traffic, "Never Once" by Alanna Story came on and I was singing along when I was just completely taken over by the love of Christ. Completely out of nowhere. I love that song so much (their version especially) and have sung it more times than I can count, but for some reason today the words really struck me. In particular, "You are faithful, God, You are faithful." And tears came to my eyes as I struggled to even sing along at that point.</div>
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How many times have I cried out to God, asking Him to take me out of some situation, to change some circumstance, to really just fix all my problems? How many times did I not get the answer I wanted, or get the answer right away, and sulk like a child whose Daddy isn't giving her what she wanted? Far too often, I am sad to admit. I'm glad He still loves me even when I refuse to put my big girl pants on and stop being a baby. And I am ever-thankful He is always working behind the scenes. But I am most thankful for His patience because I tend to shut down when things are not going my way. I am ashamed to say there are times I'm close to just shutting Him out, too. But He never leaves, even in the moments I give in to my instinct to draw into myself and block everything else out.</div>
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I'm at a point in my life where I'm just kind of wandering, wondering what it is God wants me to do, where He wants me, and how He wants to use me. I know I am ready to move, both figuratively and metaphorically. After seeing how this summer is effecting me, Northern Canada is looking good. Only half joking. I'm doing an audio version of my book while I wait to see if anyone I sent my query letters to ( and am still sending them to) gets back to me. Harbinger will have the first episode published next month after FOREVER working on it. I have safety and security in this house full of Godly women who love me and support me. But I feel stagnant. </div>
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If I had my way I would be published, move to Scotland, find a hot Christian man in a kilt, marry him, have babies, and write for the rest of my life. Oh, and I'd have either a yellow or burnt orange Aztek. It is my dream life, after all. And that has been my plan for ages. And that is what I have been moving toward. But I don't think I realized until just very recently that I've been asking God to bless my plans and not asking what it is He really wants me to do. Correction. I have been asking, and I am more than certain He's been telling me, but I am so bloody indecisive and doubtful that I am constantly questioning whether it was His voice I heard or my own, and I end up just sitting on my hands.</div>
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In the past few weeks I've had conversations with two different friends about hearing God's voice. One said someone told her that the more you hear His voice but don't listen to it, the harder it becomes to truly hear Him. Makes sense to me. Another friend likened God's leading to the way she expects her kids to react. The policy in her household is, "I expect you to obey me the first time." And I think God works the same way. Now I don't think that means if I don't listen, that's it. He's done. Like a true parent He will remind in some way or another, and maybe even again. But at some point He's going to say, "All right. If you are so determined to do this your way then go for it. I'll be here waiting when you realize I was guiding you along the right path." Not to gloat, not to give you snide remarks or sly looks that say, "I told you so" but to comfort if needed and continue offering guidance. It's always our choice whether or not we follow Him. Sometimes the end results of His plan and our own devices are the same, but the journey is always different. We experience different things. I'll guarantee the experiences on the path God provides are way better for us.</div>
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So as I sit here, questioning day after day what the heck I'm here for and what I'm supposed to do with my life, I will continue to trust Him. I will continue to work on trusting Him. Let's just make that statement a bit more honest, shall we?</div>
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"Never once did we ever walk alone. Never once did You leave us on our own. You are faithful, God, You are faithful."</div>
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Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-993488414114871762014-04-18T19:08:00.000-07:002014-04-18T19:08:46.772-07:00This still haunts meIt's Good Friday and I'm sick. My church had a special event set up today with several stations set up throughout the building taking you from the garden up to the crucifixion of Christ, and I had to miss it. I was told it was amazingly powerful and I'm sure it was.<br />
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A few years back I listened to a sermon that had to do with the last moments of Christ, and it's a sermon that stays fresh on my mind because of how impacting it was. I'd like to share it all with you now as you go into your Easter weekend.<br />
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What you're looking at is an ancient public toilet area in Ephesus.
There were no doors, no stalls, not even toilet paper. That little
culvert or trough on the ground in front of the toilets was filled with
running water. Men using these toilets (apparently women weren't allowed
to use them) would have to scoop up water and clean themselves that way
before they were done. Well, after a time, some guys came up with a
great idea. They decided to put a sea sponge on the end of a long stick,
dip it into the water, and clean people that way.<br /><br />Some people
started getting infections from these cleanings, so the men began to
use vinegar or wine to disinfect the sponges between cleanings. This is
where a revelation comes in. I have to tell you, it's disturbing,
and it hurt my heart. I hope it will always hurt my heart.<br /><br />Luke
23: 36-37 says this: "The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They
offered him wine vinegar and said, “If you are the king of the Jews,
save yourself.”<br /><br />Think about that for a second. This man was
hanging on a cross high above the reach of an arm offering a flask.
Jesus was offered wine from a sponge. There's nothing in the bible about
this sponge or where it came from, but what do you think the likelihood
is that this was some random clean sponge on a stick? This man, who was
beaten, mocked, <i>hated</i> by so many...I have a hard time believing
they would, in a moment of kindness, want him to have anything clean. So
he had this dirty, filth-ridden sponge shoved to his lips to relieve
his thirst. He had that taste in his mouth when he died, that smell in
his nose. And yet, even as this last cruelty was being done to him, he
was loving the ones holding the sponge to his mouth, forgiving them and
praying for them.<br /><br />I don't know why, but out of all the images of
the crucifixion, this one is the most haunting to me. It angers me more
than the beatings and the ridicule. And it makes me love Jesus with such
a fresh wave of emotions that it almost brings me to tears. He did that
for <i>me</i>. He endured that for <i>me</i>. How many "modern day
saviors" would drink from a sponge that was used to clean people after
they went to the bathroom? I could see some taking the beatings and
dealing with the harsh words. But this? I can't see anyone willing to do
that for anyone else.<br /><br />I think we take the gift of Jesus'
sacrifice too casually on most days. At least I know I do. I hope this
image reminds you of how much you are loved, and how much Jesus would
take to assure you were forgiven and had an eternal place with him in
Heaven.<br />Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-34497382668947928282014-04-04T10:39:00.001-07:002014-04-04T10:43:41.148-07:00Answering some questionsSomeone over on Tumblr sent me a bunch of questions about writing and I decided to answer them here because it's such a long answer. To see the post in which these questions originate, click <a href="http://dianadoestuff.tumblr.com/post/81693458283/hi-there-im-so-sorry-about-never-getting-back-to" target="_blank">here</a>. <br />
<br />
Harbinger is still being made into an audio drama, yes. We have about
fifteen different amazingly talented VA's doing voices, music,
art...it's going to be amazing and our first episode should be out next
month! I'll definitely be dropping by FimFiction to let people know. As
far as giving any of my other stories the same treatment? Probably not.
And that answer goes for fanfic as well. I'm still half a season behind
in the show and I've kind of fallen out of the fandom for the most part.
While it's still good entertainment I think they're playing to the fans
too much now. Slendermane, the moment of severely obvious fanservice
with Applejack that I've heard about, something about LyraBon? I'm kind
of over it. I know I promised a Harbinger sequel but I don't think
that's actually going to happen, much to the sadness of my actors.
Fanfic sucks away all my desire to work on my own stuff and that is not
good, so I'm trying to stay away from writing any sort of fanfic all
together now.<br />
<br />
I am definitely working on
getting published. Actually, in the next week or two I will have the
final draft of my manuscript complete and I'll be diving into the world
of literary agents and publishers. I'll be sure to keep everyone posted
on that as well! It's the first book in a series, Christian Fantasy but
more Fantasy than Christian. I hope people will love it!<br />
<br />
Writing
original fiction is very different from fanfic in a lot of ways. You
don't have established characters, settings, relationships, etc. that
you know well. It's all coming from you so you have to get to know them.
Sometimes I write little one-shots to flesh them out a bit, see how
they interact with others and such. Don't be surprised if you have one
thing in mind for a character and they turn out to be something else.
One of the characters in my series, Cavalon, was meant to be quiet,
reserved, wise and very much in the background. He decided he was going
to be annoying, snarcastic, narcissistic, and very much not in the
background. I had to reel him in so he didn't steal the spotlight from
the main character too much. Which sounds funny but it's true. They take
on lives of their own.<br />
<br data-mce-bogus="1" />
For
this particular book I just wrote with very little plan in mind. In the
end it worked out but I wish I had done it differently. I am now a big
advocate of planning out things because it leaves less room for plot
holes. Here is what I did for a project I am working on right now.<br />
<br />
Once
I know what I want to write about, I write down what I know. Names,
relationships, anything about setting and scenes. It doesn't have to be
in order and it doesn't have to be complete. Just get down what you know
so you don't lose it. Trust me, you'll be glad you did. Also make use
of a recorder when driving. A lot of stuff comes to me when I'm driving
alone and I record it on my phone so I don't lose it. These are the
things that are inspiring you to write in the first place so it's so
important that you don't lose any of it.<br />
<br />
Make
a list of characters: Protagonists, Antagonists, and Power Players. The
Power Players are important characters to the plot who neither lean too
much to good or bad. But they are integral and their absence would
disrupt things. Think Discord in MLP after his reformation, or even
Kristoff in Frozen who is neither expressly good or bad. Dumbledor is
another good example of what a Power Player can be. He is mostly good,
definitely not a main character, but important none the less.<br />
<br />
Just
jot down what you know about them for now, find detailed character
sheets online to fill out about them when you get stuck in the planning.
Which will happen. Trust me.<br />
<br />
Now for the plot. Believe it or not, ending is more important than beginning. If it's just a one story deal, write down where it will end and what is happening, how everything comes together for the great resolve. If it is part of a larger series, now write down these very same things for the overall series. Now figure out the beginning of just that first book. Once that is done, you have a nice shell to work within, But you still need a setting and genre to make things complete.<br />
<br />
Are you writing a love story? An adventure? Mystery? It can be more than one but it should focus more toward one than another. That is what will drive your story and keep it from being swept up in needless scenes. <br />
<br />
Your setting involves a lot more than landscape, especially if you're writing sci-fi or fantasy. You need to know your magical system, your political system, relations between countries - if there are grudges being held, alliances - who is in power. What is the level of technology, currency, things like this. This part is fun because you're building a world!<br />
<br />
Now you start asking yourself "What comes next?" a lot. Look at the basic shell you've created and start filling in scenes. Start at the beginning and ask yourself that question. Write down the answer. Ask again. Rinse and repeat. If you get stuck, find a different scene and ask, "How did it get here?" meaning, what happened just prior to this that made it end up here? If you get really stuck, work on some character sheets for awhile. Spend time with them. Get to know the people whose lives you're playing with. Things will begin to come to you, I promise.<br />
<br />
Eventually you will have a brilliant list of scenes and a hefty file full of character sheets. Now it's time to break things down into chapters. A chapter can consist of anywhere from 2-5 scenes, depending on dramatic tension and action. Do this until all of the important scenes you wanted are mapped out and in order of plot progression. Keep going until you have your entire book mapped out from beginning to end, then read it through a couple of times to make sure it flows right. Can you picture it all happening naturally? Does something stick out as not really belonging? Are there moments that drag and have no real importance? There are need to know things.<br />
<br />
Once you are comfortable with that, get writing! You already have a map, now it's time to get behind the wheel and drive. It's a fantastic journey that will make you laugh, maybe make you cry, definitely make you want to kill someone (fictional or not) at least twice. And when you reach the end you'll feel like you're saying goodbye to friends you've known your entire life, even if there is another book with them coming.<br />
<br />
Really long answer to your question but I hope it helps. I learned this method from another writer (don't ask me who -_-) awhile ago and it has been my formula since. Other writers probably have very different methods. It all comes down to what works for you. If this doesn't I encourage you to seek out other writers whose work inspires you and pick their brains. We're all a little narcissistic and love talking about this to an extent anyway.<br />
<br />
There is no place online where my original works can be read since I want to publish them someday, sorry.<br />
<br />
I wish you luck on this exciting new venture. Please don't hesitate to ask any more questions, I'd love to help when I can. And also keep me posted! I'd love to see what you come up with! Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6775783845415836486.post-35007408497168534012014-01-18T07:35:00.000-08:002014-01-18T07:35:42.963-08:00Frozen ReviewThis probably goes without saying but this post is going to be riddled with spoilers. Like, you'll be lucky if I don't go through this thing scene by scene, line by line. Okay. maybe that is a slight exaggeration. But only slightly. I've only seen the movie twice, once to just sit there and cry and laugh, once to go in with a more critical eye and not get too swept up in the story. So, let us begin by discussing the characters.<br />
<br />
<strong>Elsa</strong> ~ Elsa is what one could either call a co-protagonist or a sympathetic villain. Here's the thing, she's not given enough screentime or story to really be considered a protagonist but her actions don't exactly make her villainous. She's just kind of there as far as what she is goes. We see right from the beginning that she was born with magical powers that let her create and control snow and ice, and that people in the castle at least are accepting of it. Until she hurts Anna, then it's time to shut her away. At a very young age this character is led to believe that being different is wrong and something that needs to be hidden. Whether she hurt someone or not matters, but the overall theme for Elsa is to conceal, don't feel, don't let them in. Be the good girl you always have to be. And because she can't be, she has to be hidden away. As an adult she has developed this horribly high level of anxiety because she's afraid of herself and what she can do, and she's afraid of people finding out she's imperfect and different.<br />
<br />
<strong>Anna ~ </strong>As the main protagonist of this movie, you can't find anyone more likable than Anna. She's definitely not your typical Disney Princess in that she's totally awkward, a bit of a dork, and tends to speak before she thinks more often than not. She's basically every character Kristen Bell (who voices her) has ever played but that's what makes her so relateable. In true Disney fashion she is a princess who longs for love, though not for the usual reasons. She wants someone to love and to love her because she is so lonely. When she was young she and her sister were best friends who spent all their time together and then, just like that, Elsa became a shut-in who all but ignored her existence. When their parents die it leaves her completely alone except for staff for three years. Heck yes, I'd be longing for a Prince Charming, too!<br />
<br />
<b>Kristoff</b> ~ I don't know why but I'm kind of ambivalent about this character. He's an orphan who was raised by trolls, sells ice for a living, and is best friends with a reindeer he talks for. He's not a people person, either. So when he meets Anna and ends up helping her find Elsa his snarkasm is quite tainted by the fact that he hasn't had much socialization. But the banter is quite amusing and witty. He ends up falling for Anna of course, and is fairly one-dimensional until near the end when he rushes back to Arendelle to save Anna.<br />
<br />
<b>Hans ~ </b>Oh this character. I hate this character because he deceived me! I really liked him until it turned out he was the villain. He's charming, also random, but it's clear he is a good leader and it seems he truly cares about taking care of the people of Arendelle. Anna leaves him in charge when she leaves to find Elsa and he slides into the leadership role perfectly. He could have had everything he wanted without the duplicitous-ness but no, he had to be an idiot and screw all that up. Jerk. I was rooting for you!<br />
<br />
<b>Olaf</b> ~ The snowman who dreams of summer. Olaf is the quirky sidekick who also serves as a plot device, albeit a very small one that was handled poorly. He's constantly falling apart and, for me anyway, walks the fine line between being amusing and annoying.<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Good</u></b><br />
<br />
Overall, I loved this movie. The music, the scenery. THE FEELS. Even before I saw it the first time I would listen to the music and cry. I relate to Elsa so much that it literally brings me to tears. The scene where she is pacing in her ice palace and everything is turning red because her anxiety is about to go out of control and make her powers act in accordance....ugh. I just can't. She's repeating to herself that she's got to get it together, to control it and I have so been there. Anna telling her earlier that what she's done is no big deal, that she can just fix it if she tries is so reminiscent of someone with depression or anxiety just being told to get over it and try to feel better. Unless you're afflicted with something you just don't know how disabling it is. I've felt that pain of both isolating myself and feeling like I've lost everything. So this movie gives me feels to the enth degree.<br />
<br />
I loved that there was so much <i>texture </i>in every scene. You could almost feel how silky Anna's hair was, feel the gauzy texture of the sheer on Elsa's dress and cape, feel how light and weightless some of the snow was, how cold and unforgiving Elsa's shackles were. There were small subtle sparkles in the snow and a shimmer to Elsa's eye shadow. Pleats in Anna's dress that expanded and retracted like an accordion when Anna twirled. Just so many wonderful visual things. Not to even mention to music. Every song, every instrumental piece was gorgeous or funny or FEELS. There's just so much to love about this movie!<br />
<br />
<b><u>The Symmetry</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
I'm really glad I went to see this a second time because it allowed me to be a bit more critical and see things I didn't pick up on the first time. There's actually a lot of subtle symmetry in this movie that you don't notice first go around. Like, there are a lot of doors in this movie. Anna always knocking on Elsa's door, the first line of Anna and Hans' duet, the door they hide behind during the song, the song itself. Anna taking forever to knock on the door at the ice palace and then when she finally does, having it open for her which no door has ever done for her before. The gates slamming closed between them when Kristoff brings her back to Arendelle. The door being locked when she and Hans are talking and then again after. Just really good continuity.<br />
<br />
I loved the symbolism of the gloves Elsa wore as well as the gloves Hans wore. Both characters wore gloves when they were hiding their true selves. Elsa finally took hers off when she felt free enough to let everything go, and Hans took one of his off when he began to reveal his dastardly plan to Anna. It's a small thing but one I appreciate so much as a writer.<br />
<br />
Then there were character quirks that just made me squee. Elsa has a tendency to roll her eyes, bite her lip. Anna plays with her hands when she's nervous or scared, she awkwardly tucks her hair behind her ear. These are things people do in real life and I love that they throw that realism in there.<br />
<br />
<b><u>What They Missed</u></b><br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
I was actually kind of surprised that there were as many moments of, "this could have been so much better if..." as there were. The big one for me though was character development. I know it was not even a two-hour long movie but make it two and a half and give us character development. Give us those shots of Elsa in her room each time Anna knocks so we see that Elsa is really struggling and hurting so much more than Anna knows. Yes, people love her and relate to her but that was such a missed opportunity for me. She had development but it wasn't enough. Same with Anna, though she really had almost no development as a character at all. No one really did. I didn't care about Kristoff because I knew nothing about him.<br />
<br />
The moment Anna and Kristoff meet Olaf there is this moment where Anna realizes he's the very same snowman Elsa created when they were small and this scene bugs me the most. It was pretty much a, "I have had no memories of this crazy power my sister has or YOU up until this very moment but whatever, it's cool, let's keep going." Seriously? This was an important moment! We could have been given flashbacks of all those memories that were replaced by the trolls turning back into true memories. Anna could have given a little gasp, clutched the toggles on her cape and said with a wide-eyed expression, "I remember!" It was just such a flat moment for me.<br />
<br />
Another one was when Kristoff told Anna he was going to take her to someone who could help her after her sister shot her through the heart. Anna asked, "Who? The love experts?" Kristoff said yes, Anna replied, "How do you know they can help?" At this moment he turns around to walk backward and answers, "I've seen them do it before."<br />
....<br />
Okay, great. Does that mean he remembers the trolls helping Anna when she was little or that he just remembers them helping some random kid? The screenwriter said on Twitter that Kristoff did know it was Anna and that was his moment of revelation, and my immediate thought was, "Wait. What?" Again, a moment that could have been made a bit deeper by Kristoff saying something like, "When I was a kid they helped this girl. I don't really remember much, but she had this white streak..." And then his eyes go wide and he hastens her along. Anna wouldn't have had to pick up on it but it would have let the audience know without a doubt that he remembered the whole thing and knew it was her.<br />
<br />
In my happy dream world Anna and Hans would have ended up together. In my secondary, less happy dream world she could have ended up with Kristoff but Hans isn't a class A swine and is actually a pretty nice guy. He does his best to try and help Elsa once she's captured and they end up falling for each other. It's that sniveling twit from Weaselton who send his men to try and kill Elsa in the end and it can all be wrapped up the same way it did in the actual movie. Anna can still save her and it could still be the true love of her sister to save her. But then both sisters would have found romantic love as well. Because I like that, okay?<br />
<br />
Last thing, and this is just nit-picky. I kind of wish they had given Elsa one final costume, something that merged her ice dress with her Arendelle style. After all, the palace itself was a mixture of both, why not the clothes she wore? She was merging her two lives, wasn't she?<br />
<br />
Also, how can you have Jonathan Groff in your cast and give him one measly tiny barely-a-song song? How is that even possible?<br />
<br />
Wow, that was long. Despite my issues with parts of the movie I truly did love it and would not hesitate to see it again and again.<br />
<br />
And cry each time.Dianahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00545331781438668298noreply@blogger.com0