Me and My Broken Heart pt. 1

Several weeks ago I was sitting in the commons at CenterPoint listening to an amazing testimony at Celebrate Recovery. I'd just had dinner and fellowship, sang songs, and was doing absolutely nothing that would cause my heart to start beating weird. But all of the sudden the room got darker than it was and it felt like I was tumbling down a long black tunnel. All sound went away, all sensation but that of falling. It happened twice in a 45 minute period. That was five weeks ago and while it hasn't been to the almost blacking out stage, I've had definite moments of dizziness that were so severe that I could focus on nothing else.

In five weeks it's happened at least a dozen times. Sometimes my heart races, sometimes it feels like it's beating through sludge. Sometimes it skips beats. Once it even felt like a car engine that tried to turn over before shuddering to a stop. There were nights I would go to bed praying just to wake up in the morning.

Today I finally got in the see my new Cardiologist. My previous one, the one I have been seeing for years, no longer had my trust when she said, "Can't you just ignore it?" to chest pains I was having some months back. Um, no. I'm sorry. I can't. I have a pulmonary aneurysm. I have every right and reason to be concerned. Don't tell me to ignore it.

Anyway. So I was able to get in to see a doctor from Dartmouth-Hitchcock, the doctor who found the aneurysm to begin with, and I haven't felt so taken care of and validated in a very long time. Each test they did they talked me through and discussed the results, my doctor had real in-depth conversations with me about my medical history as well as what is going on now. No one made me feel like I was over-reacting or crazy as I often felt when seeing my previous doctor. I feel like I'm finally with people who know what they're doing.

I only have a few results from today, thus the pt. 1 of the title.

• My blood pressure is seriously wonky. My systolic pressure is always pretty much the same and a really good number. My diastolic pressure goes from being low to high, and back again depending on the position I'm in, my activity level, the weather, if potatoes are on sale, whether or not my socks match. Basically it's unpredictable. 
• The aneurysm is still there and a little bigger, but not much. Still inoperable. Still annoying.
• Dr. Flanagan thinks the dizziness might be linked to the deterioration in my cervical spine but wants to wait to explore that until the results of my monitor have been read. For now I need to be doing what I have been doing which is being still when the dizziness kicks in and journal everything.

I have to wear a heart monitor for the next two weeks and let me tell you, I look like some sort of bio-cyborg hybrid project. It's kind of awesome. In two weeks I mail it back, wait another week for the results, and we go from there.

So that's all I have to share for now.  I'm really glad I don't have to wear this during the first weekend of my signing because that would suck. But I am grateful for the fact that I'm being taken care of.

Stay tuned for part two coming next month!