Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Diana Reads X-Men: Chapter Eleven

Senator Kelly is not happy, you guys. He’s not even close to being okay with whatever the heck Magneto has done to him. Nevermind the fact that he is locked in some cell that was punched into the side of a cliff overlooking the mouth to nowhere, he could be a…mutant.

He’s doing this weird sweating thing, even though he’s not hot. It’s not fair! He was minding his own business, flying in pimped out helicopters and talking to the president. Life was pretty darn good, and then this had to happen.

In an effort to try and see past the barred window in his cell, Senator Kelly smooshes his face against the bars and actually feels his skull constrict.

I wish I was making this up.

Freaked out, he pulls himself back into the cell and now realizes he’s dripping. So, doing the only logical thing that comes to mind, he takes his shoes and socks off.

…yeah, I don’t even…

Hark! Someone approacheth! Now in a panic, Senator Kelly decides he’s either going to have to shove himself through the bars or die in the cell. Magento, for all his nice British hospitality, really doesn’t strike the senator as a person who will just let him go. So he decides it’s out through the bars and out to the nothingness below.

“Kelly turned his shoulder and, with both hands on the stone ledge, tried to pull his body through.

For an instant it wouldn’t fit, then he heard the crunching as his shoulders and ribcage collapsed, and he pulled himself through the small opening between the bars. He was halfway there.”

I would choose Magneto, not even gonna lie.If I had to listen to my bones crunching, there would be no question in my mind about staying in that cell. Make me a mutant and send me home to Mama.

Senator Kelly gets himself out and onto the ledge in time to have the window torn clean off the rock wall. This, incidentally, would have been nice to have happen before he pushed himself through it. Magneto peeks out over the edge and tells the senator what he already knows, that he is now a mutant. Mags then orders Sabes to pull the good senator up, but what’s this? His hand also collapses and he falls to the mysterious fathoms below, leaving Sabes with a wet hand and a pouty face.


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