Friday, February 13, 2015

Happy Singles Awareness Day

For a long time I have laughingly said that I was terminally single, meaning it was something I could not change and would likely die from. It always came out as a flippant comment, something to make light of an area in which I was really struggling. As society evolves (or devolves in some cases) more and more women are deciding they don't want and/or need the whole marriage and kids shebang. Sadly it's become more commonplace for women to "take matters into their own hands" and just find companionship when they feel like they need it, no strings attached. How that doesn't leave someone feeling all the more empty after the fact, I have no idea. Or maybe it does and that's the drawback to this so-called freedom that no one really wants to discuss.

 I laughed when I saw this because it's true.

I've brought this tender subject to God many a time over, always lamenting my lack of a man in my life, of children, of really feeling like an adult. I've discussed it with my friends, both single and married, who have all said singleness is a freedom to be cherished. And while I did understand I didn't have to worry about certain things preventing me to do crazy things on a whim, what they didn't seem to understand was that I longed for those ties. Sure, I could go on a week-long road trip if I wanted, but who did I have to share it with? Who did I have to come home to? Singleness was a gift I no longer wanted. I had outgrown it and was ready to exchange it for something different.

Perhaps it was wishful thinking, but I've often tried to convince myself that I would be fine if I was single for the rest of my life. There has been a lot of trauma in my past so maybe it would really be better to avoid that whole thing all together. I thought if I said it often enough, that I was better off single, it would begin to take root and make itself true. But it never really did. At least, not until very recently.

At group Wednesday we had two questions we went over: What are you not trusting God to take from you and what have you turned over to Him. Well in the past couple of weeks I truly did turn over this whole single vs. not single thing, and for the first time since I brought it before God so many years ago, I felt a real peace wash over me. It was a peace that was full of trust. Still is. I can honestly say I will be happy either way. If God chooses to bless me with a husband, great. If He doesn't, I trust it's for the best. So many writers I know lose their mojo for writing once they get married. I have always been terrified that would happen to me, so maybe that's why I'm still single. Or maybe it's a completely different, obscure reason I'll never understand. No matter what, I'm okay with it.

 Also, wasn't it Paul who said it's better to stay single so that nothing can sway your focus from Christ? I already have so many things that distract me from Him as it is.

On the subject of children, well that's a little different. Since I am one of those "crazy Christians" who believes when God says sex is for those who are married to one another and won't go sleeping around in hopes of getting pregnant, there are some options I can explore. And will explore. Besides, who wants to end up an Ace of Base song? Did I just date myself? Goodness, I am so old.

In the meantime I will go back to writing. I think I'm about 7 or 8 chapters away from the first draft of book two being finished. I would love to have it already be in the editing process before the book signing in May so that I can promote not only the first book, but have some sort of teaser for the second as well. They say the best way for unknowns to become better knowns is to write more than one book. Well, I'm working on it. I'm hoping the audio drama will be completed by then as well, but if not I'll definitely be bringing what is completed to be playing at my booth. More teasers. What fun.

Happy Valentines Day, everyone. A day early. Have a blessed weekend, snow or no snow.


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